How to Know if You FOR SURE Have Lost a Date


I recently was on a date with a girl.


Beautiful, religious, smart, positive…everything I could ask for (this technically should be “for which I could ask,” but colloquialism will take precedent over correctness here).


Things are going smoothly–maybe even a kiss by the end of the night, who knows?


It was a beautiful evening. The hot tub set just the right mood at the end of the date. The stars were beaming down in faultless splendor. And right as cheesy lines are spinning through my head of how to not mess up this perfect evening…


things turned sour.


Like ‘mouthful of rotten ocean water’ sour.


She goes, “You know, I think you and Alicia (name has not been changed) would be such a great couple!”




[furrow eyebrows]


[left eye slightly squint in confusion]


[a little more silence]


“What did you just say?” a sucker-punch to the ego.


“No, I mean, I just think that you guys would be great for each other.”


I couldn’t help it. I started to laugh.


“Well, I guess there isn’t any pressure for the rest of this date then, is there?”


“I think you’re a great guy and all, but…”


The rest is, as they say, the story of my life.


Yes, fellas, a telltale sign that you are as burnt as forgotten toast is if she ever mentions you dating someone else.


Ladies, please use this tactic wisely and rarely.


How else have you known that your date was over?


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