I Never Knew How Much a Person Could Hide Until I Married My Wife



I never knew how much a person could hide until I married my wife.


It was about six months after we had been married and I turned over in bed to see a stranger laying there next to me.


Granted, I proposed after exactly two months of knowing her and we were on different continents for one of those months.


And granted, we got married exactly four months after I proposed and were in different states for three of those months.


…but still.


I mean, who was she?


I thought I had it all figured out when I was dating. Before we met, I created my “must have” list for a spouse. It consisted of 5 things:

  1. Beautiful
  2. Positive
  3. Kind
  4. Leader
  5. Who put God first


From the day we met until the day we married and even until this point, she had shown her colors as truly exemplifying all of those traits.


But still…something wasn’t adding up.


I mean, before we were married she would make jokes, but I wouldn’t consider her very funny.

She would occasionally cook, but it all was quite bad–burnt, bland or soggy.

She would watch me clean my room on Skype, but revealed a scene behind her that looked like a candidate for Hoarders.


But you see, I didn’t marry her because she was funny or a good cook or could clean. I married her because I loved who she was and was willing to work with those things that were in my “nice to have” list. Not in any way feeling like I was settling, but realizing that some things in life need to be de-prioritized.


Sure, I love laughing, food is my second religion and messiness is something I cannot function in–but with funny friends, eating out and my self-satisfaction in cleaning, I figured we would be fine.


But, six months in, I found out that I was so wrong about her.


She was funny. At least once a week I was crying laughing because of her jokes.

She was an incredible cook. Her dinners became the daily culmination of a culinary crescendo–no matter how expensive my expensed lunch was.

She was cleeeeeean! Her cleaning habits made me look at the budget to see if she had hired help.


Yes I married her not even know how amazing she was.  


Truly, I fell in love with a sandbagger.


Turns out we just weren’t around each other enough in person for me to really get her humor. The few meals she made all happened to be without a some key ingredients. And the room she was temporarily living in until we got married was really a family storage room.


Now don’t get me wrong, I discovered some new weaknesses too. Like how she isn’t good at opening bags of chips (she hulk-rips them “every” time sending cereal cascading down the hall) and can’t find a way to snap and sing at the same time; but my manly thumbs and amerature beatboxing solved both of those.


And while she has had some surprises from me too, I’ll leave that for her to talk about.


So six months into marriage what did I learn? As you get to know people, allow them to build themselves on the foundation of their strengths. Let them pleasantly surprise you.


For marriage isn’t so much a matter of being grateful that you found the one as working together to become one as we help fill the weaknesses and discover the strengths together.


Seek for the good and you will find it.


Everyone is incredibly loved–find out why (especially with those closest to you).



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Dating Never Works Zack Oates



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