I was talking to a few of my friends on the way to Japan from Beijing (had some down time en route…like a lot) about whether dating is harder for guys or girls.
Who gets the short stick in this game of sparks we call dating?
4 Reasons it is Harder for Guys and what Girls Should do to Help:
- Guys have to make the first move and put themselves out there emotionally without any agreement of reciprocity.
- So girls, make yourself a little more available if you’re intersted.
- Guys have to pay for dates. While girls get free dinner, guys get to use a few hours of their pay to fund it. I’ve calculated my total dating expenses once…and never have again.
- So girls, express gratitude.
- Guys have to plan dates that are fun, but not too fun so that they fall in love with the date and not them.
- So girls, if there is something you’d really like to do, throw out a few suggestions in the planning or pre-planning phase.
- Guys have to follow up and guess if the girl likes him with being confident, but not too pushy. Tough balance.
- So girls, send a post date text and tell them that you’d love to see them again.
4 Reasons it is Harder for Girls and what Guys Should do to Help:
- Girls have to wait for a guy to ask them out (granted, they CAN do the right things to get asked out…but no one seems to take that advice.)
- So guys, stop being obtuse. Take the plunge if you think you’re getting the signs.
- Girls have to suffer through dates they don’t want to be on. Can you imagine spending your time with someone who is painfully dull? (granted, some people call that alone time…)
- So guys, have questions that will help you get to know them and stop talking about yourself. Read how to Win Friends and Influence People more and your last year’s birthday comments less.
- Girls have to have a date paid for by a guy they will never want to see again.
- So guys, don’t take first dates to elaborate and expensive activities. It is awkward.
- Girls have to reject guys.
- So guys, don’t take it personally. Know that it is okay when you are rejected. It doesn’t mean that you are terrible, but that it just isn’t going to work out. Be cool about it and maybe her mind will eventually change…but don’t count on it.
So in the end, I don’t really think it matters who it is harder for. (Why yes, that is a dangling preposition, thanks for noticing)
Each gender plays their own role in creating this very difficult thing we call dating. What that means is that we should all seek to be a little kinder and a touchmore understanding. We’re all in this dating boat together, so date selflessly.
Ask yourself if what you are doing is making dating harder for the other person and let’s stop worrying so much about ourselves. It is good to practice this selfless thing now anyway, for I have, on really good authority mind you, that this perspective of charity will make for a great marriage (Gordon B Hinckley, “The Women in Our Lives,” Oct General Conference 2004).