“Wait, you’re NOT going to keep going out with him?! He’s tall, good looking, super cool, solid in the gospel, smart, great family, and you know he’s going to be rich—what more could you possibly want?”
The condescending tone in your roommate’s voice is familiar.
You mumble a response filled with certain confusion, “I mean, he’s awesome…but I’m just not excited about it.”
“You’re getting too old to be this picky, you know.”
A flush of frustration begins to bubble up, but you realize that it’s true. Still, you know what you feel, even if you can’t quite explain it and drop to defensiveness, “I thought you told me last week that I shouldn’t settle.”
“[ugh] You’re just stupid.”
We’ve all been there.
We’ve been the one confused at the uncertainty, when all logic points to certain.
We’ve been the roommate, exasperated at the friend dropping the person they secretly wish they could have dated.
We’ve even been the poor sap left for no seemingly good reason wondering, ‘is something wrong with me?’
This situation boils down to one question:
Should I keep dating someone even if I’m not excited about them? Or in other words, how do I settle without settling?
At times, we find ourselves with those who are perfect on paper but prosaic in person and something just doesn’t propel you to pursue the possibility of considering them to be a positive prospect.
Do you have to make the choice between finding someone that you are super excited about, but you know they might not be a good fit for you; or someone who is perfect for you, but you just aren’t excited about?
THE ANSWER IS NO!!!!! (Why you gotta be so rude?) …so long as you abide by these 5 principles.
- Love is a choice.
Love doesn’t always just happen to you. You must work for it and put time into it through serving them. Don’t make yourself a martyr to emotions and a victim to fate. You have agency in love. Yes, truly, you have agency in love. I’m going to say that one more time…you have agency in love.
- Make a list.
If you don’t have a list where you can objectively see if the potential person is worth a shot, you might either dive in with the wrong person and ignore red flags because there is too much emotion involved, or you will toss great people to the side and make up excuses not to date them because there isn’t enough emotion.
SERIOUSLY…try these 4 steps out right now to make your list. I PROMISE this 10-minute activity of coming up with a list will help you get married.
- Be open to the possibility of love.
This includes getting rid of old heartstrings and not dating so many people at the same time to help you differentiate your emotions.
- Wait with wisdom.
Give it some time and be patient. Not like going out with the same person that you are woefully indifferent towards for months, but give it a few dates. Try things out and be open. Know though, that if you aren’t open to the possibility of love, you’re wasting everyone’s time.
- Be honest with yourself.
Believe that you are abiding by the first four principles and then follow your heart…just don’t leave your brain behind. If you don’t like them, it is okay to move on and disregard all of those around you who are telling you how wrong you are.
At the end of the day, know this: You are not “stupid” just because you can’t understand why you don’t like that “perfect” person or because you got caught up in the “wrong” person. You are just…human.
When I’ve broken up with people for, according to outsiders, ‘no good reason,’ I’ve been attacked. But guess what? All of that led me to my fiancée—a woman that I’m thrilled to be with AND meets everything on paper.
I waited to find both for a simple reason: I felt I deserved it. And if a guy as fault-filled (even on paper) as me deserves it and got it…you certainly do too.