Archive for the ‘Love’ Category

BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED, Know There’s Someone Better

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alone thinking

 

So you’re thinking about getting married.

 

Well before you do, there’s something you should know: there’s someone better for you out there.

 

That’s right. This little bundle of perfection you are personifying as your spouse is not the best match for you. There is someone who aligns with your dreams, your goals, your political persuasion better. There is someone more attractive, funnier, smarter. There is someone with a better family, with cooler friends. There is someone wealthier, more ambitious, more spiritual.

 

Here’s the catch: You can’t find all that in one person.

 

As my boy Leo Tolstoy has said, “If you look for perfection, you’ll never be content” (Anna Karenina #TheRealRussianNuke).

 

Sure, find someone who has a better family, but maybe they’ll be a total slob and smell bad. Meet someone that is funnier, but maybe they aren’t as kind. Chat with someone who passionately aligns to your political views, but maybe you don’t want a debate partner for a spouse. Connect with someone who is a model, but maybe then you can’t eat hamburgers and fries.

 

And even if all those “but maybe’s” are true, good luck at them being interested in you.

 

Yes, you found someone that meets the 5 most important criteria (after you made your list) and they exist. They are there and they are real. And no, that’s not settling–that’s falling in love with a human.

 

Now don’t get me wrong. Marriage is not a cavalier choice that you can make after two months of knowing someone when one of those months is long distance; it is an important decision to be weighed out and prayed about over time. (But then again, you might get lucky.)

 

Because once that decision is made to take it to the next step, don’t worry about any lists you’ve made in dating.

 

What I’ve admired about the best marriages I’ve seen is that the spouse becomes the other person’s “list.” It is no longer a ‘I wish you had this’ or ‘If only you didn’t have that,’ but rather a beautiful appreciation of the person for who they are that leads to a love and commitment that last forever.

 

Plus, regardless of who they are and who you are now, you’ll never stay married to the same person. You’ll change and they’ll change. The key is changing together.

 

You do that by setting your long-term goals as the same destination. If you both are constantly working towards that singular goal, you become less of single individuals and one whole.

 

So stop looking for the one. There are ones all around you. They key is to choose your love and then love your choice

 

As an author at The Blaze commented after hearing the devastating news that Nicolas Sparks and his wife separated, “I didn’t marry The One, I married this one, and the two of us became one.”

 

 

Stay up to date on the book and preorder now!

 

 

In the Friend Zone? Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Panic

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Young couple enjoying in night music festival

“I thought it was over,” he exhaled. “I mean, she said that I was her friend…her friend!”

 

It had been a rough road for my buddy, Jack. He had been married for 25 years until a recent divorce. Then he had met a lovely woman online. She was living in a domestic violence shelter at the time; they both had a few kids and a lot of baggage. But in time they connected and started chatting, then texting, then calling. Jack felt things were going well until she dropped a bomb.

 

She called him her “friend.”

 

“How did you deal with getting friend-zoned?” I probed.

 

“Well, I took it hard,” he said. “At first, I cried, then I came to terms with the fact that it was over. That is when I went to see my therapist.”

 

Then, Jack got a serious look on his face and told me what his therapist said—a message of wisdom that will stick with me for the rest of my life.

 

“When I told my therapist, he laughed! I was offended and then a little hurt until he patted my knee and said, ‘You know that, to her, the word ‘friend’ is the highest compliment she can give?’

 

It suddenly dawned on Jack that this woman, who had spent her whole life trying and failing to trust another man, simply wanted—and needed—a friend. And so by saying that he was her friend, it was actually more like saying, “I trust you.”

 

With that vote of confidence, their relationship kept growing and growing.

 

A year later, he married his best friend.

 

I have long believed God gives us friends so that we might choose family, but only once in a lifetime or so, do we get to actually make that best friend family.

 

In life and in love, there are the crushes, the dates, and the games—but in the end, the thing that makes life sweet are the friends we can enjoy it with. When you have a best friend to share the joys and the sorrows of life, then truly, the best place you can ever be is the friend zone.

 

If you are married, keep the love alive by treating your spouse as your best friend. You might be surprised by how much joy it brings.

 

And if you aren’t married, don’t be discouraged if you simply seem to be acquiring a lot of friends. Continue to cultivate those friendships, and one day you might just find one that turns into something eternal.

 

But even if you don’t, remember—the reason we have life and joy at all is because of friends. After all, didn’t Christ lay down His life for friends? (John 15:13)

 

 

This post was originally posted on this link at LDSLiving.com

 

6 Reasons Marriage Will Never Make You Happy

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marriage is hard

 

“Zack, you just can’t understand the happiness I feel—because you’re single.”

 

My friend had been married for almost a year and was telling me about the void he felt in his life before he was married. Marriage filled that void.

 

At the time, I was single and just couldn’t understand the ‘happiness that would forever evade me if I stayed in my pathetic lonesome state.’

 

He spoke as if happiness was this great ocean before me and I was stuck on dry ground.

 

It bothered me.

 

And it really bothered me that he was one of too many people who had told me the same exact thing: ‘Happiness is on the other side of singledom.’

 

I always knew that if I was doing the right thing, I would be happy; and in my opinion, trying to get married was the right thing regardless if I made it yet or not!

 

See, I really liked my single life.
I loved my friends, the dance parties, the trips, the hot tubing and meeting new people.
I felt close to God and genuinely happy.

 

I never understood what void I was missing.

 

Now that I’m married I can say I really like my married life.
I loved my friends, the dance parties, the trips, the hot tubing and meeting new people.
I feel close to God and genuinely happy.

 

Marriage doesn’t make you any happier than winning the lottery; you may have more money, but studies have shown that happiness is all relative.
Marriage doesn’t make you any happier than going to church; you can be in the building and walk out empty hearted.
Marriage doesn’t make you any happier than you already are.

 

Yes, indeed, it isn’t marriage that makes you happy—it is your choice to be happy regardless of circumstance.

 

Marriage doesn’t change you, but it reveals yourself to yourself…and scarily enough…to another.

 

And no, marriage isn’t the same as being single, but it is as great as your attitude will allow it to be.

 

Charles Swindoll (author educator and pastor) said, “Attitude, to me, is more important than … the past, … than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.” (Daniel H. Johnston, Lessons for Living (2001), 29.)

 

Sure you can’t swim on the sand, but you also can’t build sand castles in the water. Both are great, if your attitude looks for the greatness.

 

But too often, we only see the sands of time slipping away our best years single while waiting to be happy when we’re married.

 

But waiting to be happy is like waiting for Godot.
Waiting to be happy is like starving to death waiting for a food truck while sitting on a loaf of bread.
Waiting to be happy is like searching the world for acres of diamonds that are hidden beneath your own home (that link is worth the read).

 

happy woman in marriage

But it isn’t like these married people are all lying. They genuinely (and erroneously) think that it is marriage that makes them happy.

 

So what is it then that all these married people are really talking about? If not marriage, then why are they happier than when they are single? It’s because…

 

Marriage gives you more opportunities to do the things that make you happy.

 

Let’s go through these six examples:

 

1. Giving genuine service makes you happy.
If you are seeking to always make someone’s day better, then you will be happy. You can do that single, but marriage puts you in fairly close proximity to one person every day whom you can serve.

 

2. Being loved makes you happy.
Whether or not you are single, there are people who love you, but it can be hard to see sometimes. Being married allows you to look down at your left hand and see that someone said, ‘Even you, Zack, are worth being loved.’

 

3. Best friends make you happy.
This ties very closely to being loved, but it is amazing knowing that I have a best friend who has my back. Marriage isn’t the only way to get this, though.

 

4. Purpose makes you happy.
We can have purpose whether we are single or married. Some people need a spouse to give them that purpose; others can have a spouse add to their purpose.

 

5. Having kids makes you happy.
Now I don’t know anything about this and quite frankly have heard mixed reviews about kids…but what I have heard in the end is that it is a sacrifice and service that goes beyond what I can now understand. I look forward to it and know that now that I’m married I’m one step closer to it—but whether or not you’re married, simply preparing for this step brings happiness. For are we not all mothers/fathers?

 

6. Coming closer to God makes you happy.
Yes, making promises with God and my wife brings happiness, but married people don’t have a monopoly on God’s love. As Jeffrey R Holland said, “The gift of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and strength of heaven to help us, we can improve, and the great thing about the gospel is we get credit for trying, even if we don’t always succeed” (“Tomorrow the Lord Will Do Wonders among You,” General Conference April 2016, original emphasis). If you are honestly trying to get married, that is enough.

 

So, to my dear friend who said that I couldn’t understand happiness, I thought you were wrong on the shores of singledom, and I still think you’re wrong in the ocean of matrimony.

 

While marriage provides a wonderful venue to practice these 6 (and many more) activities that creates happiness in one’s life; it never will make anyone happy. (After all, have you ever heard of “unhappy marriages?” About half of my married friends certainly have.)

 

Now, when people ask me if I’m happier married than when I was single, I’d say yes—but not because of marriage. I’m happier now because I am able to do those things more frequently that bring me happiness.

 

Don’t look to marriage tomorrow for happiness.

Do the things that truly make you happy today.

 

 

“How Did You Overcome Thoughts of Divorce?”

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Mormon wedding

 

Whenever I have the chance and the situation is right, I’ll ask people who have been married a few years a question that is met first with surprise, then with confusion, then with deep contemplation and finally with wisdom.

 

The question is simple–but oh, so complex.

 

“How did you overcome thoughts of divorce?”

 

I’ve asked this question over a hundred times, and while it seems really probing, it is surprising how much people will tell you if you just ask. 

 

There are three categories of responses:

 

1) A handful said, ‘It honestly never crossed my mind.’

2) A few said, ‘I divorced them the first time, but as for this marriage…’

3) But most just say, ‘Phew–tough question…’

 

In the end though, they all tell me that marriage is “hard.”

 

Five months into marriage, I can say that the only hard thing is staying humble as I beat my wife in Rummikub over and over and over or making sure I don’t overcook the burgers on our Saturday bbq’s or finding a baby to hold during church.

 

Now I know that most of you married folks are thinking, ‘Ha…just wait.

 

And I know that things will get hard, but for now we are just enjoying our single married life (all the benefits of being single AND married).

 

But I know that there will come moments when playing games will seem like a distant memory, bbq’s will be a great time for me to get out of the house and we are going to be looking for some young naive couple to hold our kids during church.

 

And it is those hard times that yield solid wisdom..so that hopefully, when they come, we are not surprised, but we are ready.

 

So down to it–the advice.

 

The advice that I’ve been given most of the time as a result of this question is just as simple yet just as complex:

 

Just keep going.

 

Lift your head up from the thorns and see the beauty that is the garden.  

 

Yes there are hard times, but if you keep perspective that everything will work out, it does.

 

Now I’ve met a lot of people where ‘working out’ means divorce and I’ve seem many situations that require divorce. Those are not the situations that people are talking about. Nor are they the situations that Dr. Alan J Hawkins, a man who has devoted his life to studying marriages was talking about when he said, “a large majority of individuals in unhappy marriages who hang in there and avoid divorce end up reporting their marriages are very happy a few years later.” (“Should I keep Trying to Work it Out”)

 

Or, in the words of Jeffrey R Holland, “Don’t give up…Don’t you quit….You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead–a lot of it…You keep your chin up. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come” (“An High Priest of Good things to Come,” Oct 1999 General conference) 
I’m grateful for the wisdom of religious leaders, social scientists and the 100+ people who have helped me to see that building up enough momentum during the fun downhill parts of marriage will give you enough inertia and desire to get you through the hard uphill parts as well.

 

 

Counsel that Helped me Get Married: “Date Less”

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Hot Pop Tart

“How’d your meeting go?” my roommate asked.

“Well…he gave me the oddest dating advice I’ve ever heard.”

 

It was a few years ago and I had just met with a respected PhD in behavioral science to get his advice about life and the topic of dating came up. I told him that I was dating and felt that I was really on the path to marriage.

 

As he asked about the name of the girl I was interested in.

A chuckle escaped my smirk.

“THE girl?!” I responded.

He smiled in slight confusion.

I pulled out my phone with the list of 7 girls I was perusing.

His smile quickly faded.

Mine swiftly followed as I realized how stupid I looked.

 

I felt like a dog showing off an album of chased car bumpers or an old man displaying a list of kids he had shaken his fist at from the front porch. Not only did I not catch any of them, but had I—I don’t think I would have known what to do.

 

He rubbed the bridge of his eyes, trying to wipe away the disbelief of my naivety. “There’s an old proverb, ‘chase two rabbits, both escape.’ Think about that.”

“All I’m trying to do is get married. I mean, shouldn’t I hedge my bets?”

“No, Zack, you are being selfish. What you need to do it date less.”

 

His words stuck to me and burned like piping hot toaster-fresh Pop Tart filling.

 

I soon realized that I didn’t date a lot of girls at once to hedge my bets, but to make sure that I wasn’t left alone and feeling hurt. I had gone after too many girls who didn’t feel the same way and I didn’t want to have my heart broken, so I distributed it among enough supports, that I never had to feel the pain of falling…falling in love alone, or out of love together.

 

Yes, my heart was in the right place, but my mind wasn’t. I truly was thinking about myself. I gave no thought for how the girls I was dating would feel if they knew they were on a list I arrogantly showed off.

 

I used to judge those who never dated and assumed they were just too afraid of getting hurt and just needed more courage.

I realized then, that I was no different for dating too much.

 

Now I’m not saying that when we are looking for a spouse we should only ever go out with one guy or gal at a time, but I am saying that you should be honest and be careful.

 

Be honest with yourself to really take a good look at why you date the way you do.

Be careful with others, realizing that true love is only found in one.

 

 

 

 

My 20 Blanking Minute Relationship (Parental Supervision Recommended)

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pg 13 rating

(I’m not sure who would read this who needs parental supervision…but I’m going to talk about [blank], so consider yourself warned.)

Waiting for Sex

I was a senior in high school taking an acting class with one of my crushes.

She was smart funny and turns out, had a crush on me as well.

 

So after hanging out with her at a couple of parties, I did what any suave confident 17-year old king of the school would do in 2003…I chickened out in asking for her number, looked her up in the paper directory, waited until my evening minutes kicked in on my brand new flip phone, called, hung up when she answered and then called right back blaming her for hanging up.

 

Classic.

 

After a few minutes, I confessed my like for her and told her that I thought we should start to date…like officially.

 

…she agreed!

 

I had a girlfriend.

 

Life was complete.

 

20 minutes later…I was single again.

 

Here’s how it went down:

 

Her: So now that we’re boyfriend/girlfriend…like, what are we allowed to do? You know, since you’re Mormon and all?

[Side note: I was the only Mormon in my school…ever. I also was the only Mormon that most of my friends had ever even heard of.]

 

Me: What do you mean?

Her: Like, you can kiss and stuff right?

Me: Yeah [giggle—cough—manly laugh] of course!

Her: What else can you do?

Me: Else?

Her: Yeah, like can you [blank]?

Me: Uh….no.

Her: Can you [blank]?

Me: I don’t think so. [I wasn’t really sure what that second “blank” was, but assumed it was similar enough to the first to get the gist.]

Her: I mean you can at least [blank]…right?

Me: That is a definite no.

Her: [sigh of frustration] Well look Zack…this just isn’t going to work.

Me: Wait…seriously? Why?

Her: I just will never know that you truly love me. It’s too old fashioned.

 

And just like that, my 20-minute relationship was over.

 

It is a “relationship” that I have thought about over and over again. Her last words have been etched into my mind as a view of physicality the world holds to be sadly self-evident.

 

While I wasn’t sure what love was, exactly, and I’m just barely starting to learn what it is now… I am pretty sure what it is not.

 

And it is not blanking, blanking and certainly not blanking.

 

Love, indeed, is when you are willing to wait until you can have that blank space in your heart filled forever—not with the dissolvable glue of selfish satisfaction, but the cement of celestial charity.

 

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you can be fulfilled with anything other than true love. Everything else will leave you feeling…blank.

 

And know that there are those reading who might have had things happen in their past from their own or another’s agency that might make them feel uncomfortable reading this—to you I say: the Atonement leaves no trace.

 

None.

 

But I’m so grateful for the shortest and most frivolous relationship ever, which has helped me better prepare for my marriage—the longest and most meaningful relationship ever.

“Am I UnLoveable?”

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Ship sunset

 

“Zack, I only have one question: What is wrong with you?”

 

It was a few years ago on a warm summer evening. I was out with some family friends at a backyard bbq and had been chatting with a nice middle-aged woman I had just met about…life.

 

She was recently single; I was perpetually single.

 

Same ocean; different boats.

 

She felt like Robison Crusoe getting ready to shipwreck on the Island of Despair; I felt like an under-paid over-worked Carnival bus boy.carnival fun date

 

She was wondering if she could be loved again; I was wondering if I was loveable.

 

She was missing; I was longing.

 

But we were both swimming in our own ocean loneliness.

 

Her in her singleness; me in my many-ness.

 

After getting to know each other a little, she asked me that question that so many had thoughtlessly asked before and one that she perhaps was asking herself, “What is wrong with you?”

 

Granted, implied in that question was a pseudo-complement of her feeling like there must be something terribly amiss in my life that I have yet to reveal if I am still single—but it’s hard to take a compliment in a question dripping with the assumed accusation that there is something terribly amiss in my life that I have yet to reveal.

 

I went through the “Lord is it I?” and “What lack I yet?” questions in my heart and felt that while I didn’t always follow true north in every aspect of my life, the Lord was pleased with my direction. So I felt like I was doing okay; but my mind couldn’t stay calm.

 

She wasn’t the first one to ask me this; in fact, it had become a recurring conversation (something many 25+ singles may also notice).

 

And, like the waves after an oil spill, the question kept crashing into my conscience over and over and over again beginning to soil the sand of my mind.

 

ship wreckIs there something terribly wrong with me? Am I just not loveable?

 

But those doubts had to be submerged for a pithy backyard bbq conversation. A flirty chuckle and awkward pause always got me out of diving into the uncharted territory of true feelings. After all, I had become an expert at faking things surface level when they too sunk deep.

 

But I wish I could have been in the car with myself that evening as I was driving home alone, floundering in my own self-doubts weighted down by the constant questions of others.

 

For now that the single “ship is anchor’d safe and sound” I can say that the journey does not have to end with a mournful tread or a captain dead. (“O Captain, My Captain”) http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/174742. And while the destination may be different for everyone, I am confident that we each have a charted path by the Great Mariner.

 

It is unwise to question someone else’s path because it is taking them longer to get to land than others.

 

And while we might have the echoes of “what is wrong with you” in the rusted hulls of our minds, we, like Kristen Oaks, can begin “to reflect a different question, ‘What more can I do that is right?’” (“Trust in Heaven’s Timing”) https://www.lds.org/ensign/2016/02/trust-in-heavens-timing?cid=HP_FR_2-12-2016_dPFD_fENSN_xLIDyL2-1_&lang=eng And there is much “right” that we need to do.

 

Indeed we are loved by a God whose love spans heights and depths (Romans 8:39). I have proof of that every time I reach out to Him and ask. Yes, I, from time to time, will ask God if He loves me.

 

Try it.

 

Pray, ask and then…wait…

 

Wait until you feel a response.

 

That love will help remind you that if you are trying to head in the right direction, the lights along the shore will lead you to the right destination.

 

And while I won’t give you the whole, ‘there are plenty of fish in the sea’ thing, I will tell you this: You are loveable.

 

Whether you know it now or not; whether you have recently lost a love or never found it; whether you are in solitude or are drowning in social events—you deserve love.

 

So let not the doubts weigh you down, but let hope buoy you up with the knowledge that “great things await you.” (Doc&Cov 45:62)

 

 

My 30th Life Lesson

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Life Lessons

Every year at my birthday, I like to reflect back at what the last 365 days taught me.

 

This last year was a big one.

 

It brought me to 15 countries across 5 continents and all over the USA—from LA to NYC, Chicago to Dallas and the “Nebraska” stuff in the middle.

 

But it wasn’t just a journey of destinations; it was a journey of experiences.

 

I finished my MBA, met a girl, cut ties with my single life, moved to a new state, started my first “real” JOB (as my mother puts it), won some money, rang the NASDAQ, signed a book contract…oh yeah, and got married.

 

Now, I give you that accounting for the simple purpose of expressing the importance of the biggest lesson that I learned, for there were many along the way.

 

But while journeying, I was struck by how beautiful our little world really is. This pale blue dot we call earth is our home. We all live here together and hence, we should all love here together.

And that brings me to what the last 365 days has taught me:

 

Love is a choice.

 

Yes, much like gratitude and happiness…love, indeed, is a choice.

 

We choose to keep ourselves open to the possibility of love.

We choose to give someone the chance to be loved by us.

We choose to allow another to love us.

 

And yes, we even choose to stay in love.

 

Now we might not always choose with whom we fall in love, but we definitely can choose to NOT fall in love with someone.

 

Regardless of how different or how similar people are from what we would expect and regardless of how disjointed or perfectly planned our circumstance—love is always our choice to make.

 

 

PSA on VULNERABILITY: Guys Don’t Believe the Hype #GuestPost by Scott Jarvie

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For those of you who don’t know Scott Jarvie, you are welcome in advance. He is one of my closest friends and I loved this guest post. Know you will too.

Scott Jarvie

In recent years the concept of Vulnerability has become very hip and trendy topic and girls will often make you listen things like Brene Brown TED talks on vulnerability.

 

Guys let me warn you before you fall into the vulnerability trap. This will not help you find a relationship.

 

What they fail to mention is this sort of stuff is for later in a relationship. Girls are still girls they will go after more stoic figures, ones that show less emotion, complicated types, so don’t be vulnerable, instead be mysterious, stay on the surface for a more extended period of time, say things that sound and pretend at vulnerable or caring, just enough to get them hooked etc.

 

I’m warning the rest of you… my cause is too late… this is for YOU.

 

I have been way too vulnerable and non mysterious with way too many people and let’s face it I’ve been an open book for years and heck that book is online and public,. And may I add…Way before any TEDx talk told me to be. Being vulnerable early on will get you a lot of friends who’ll be cheerleaders, but they’re like the cheerleaders cheering for the “special team”… oh that’s right… they don’t actually play in your league. They just come to visit and go back to their own life when they’re done feeling good about themselves.

 

Don’t be emotionally centric and non-mysterious.  I get it… we’re a Christmas present culture. We love wrapping presents in nice pretty paper with great bows. We love not knowing what’s inside and we get invested in the mystery. Onions have layers and girls want to pretend that at the heart of that onion they have no clue what they’ll find… will it be a rose? Will it be a unicorn pooping diamonds. Will it be the next perfect human?

 

Sure I personally believe in the concept of showing emotions and being vulnerable wholeheartedly, I guess I needed this PSScott JarvieA 10 years ago. As for myself it’s what I want to be but let me assure you Others …it does not help you find love or enter a relationship or even get dates. Perhaps it helps nourish love… but it’ll kill your chances if you use it at first. After all how you gonna improve a relationship you never get in the first place. (it’s science) Go play your game… I’ll come up from the minor or little leagues to come watch you guys compete and cheer you on… and oh yeah I’m a wedding photographer so this is good for business. jarviedigital.com for your next wedding photoshoot needs mention the post and get 5% off. [Zack’s note: seriously, this guy’s photos are unreal…wish I had the 5% offer for my wedding!]

 

 

Be a nicely wrapped present under the tree that they get obnoxiously early in the Christmas season and have to wait. Heck why try to figure yourself out now or embrace emotions too closely too early. iT’S A TRAP! They may want to do that stuff after they’ve fallen in love with you… fine whatever… it’s about the journey wait for them to join you and get super invested… but don’t work on that stuff now. Silly you.

 

You can’t simply make a lifetime of cultural impact which was thrust upon their pysche just go away just by wishing it to not be so. We are raised and taught in large part by our culture… by the examples and teachings of our society. So even if they recognize the legitimacy of certain emotionally laden truths it doesn’t mean those truths will trigger the right buttons or lead to the right ends. The ends may not justify the means, but usually the means predict the ends.

 

Scott JarvieI guarantee you that being more closed, more mysterious, more of a calculated risk and making them take a step of faith into the dark is what will help you out more. Get off the ship of vulnerability it’s sinking… be vulnerable when it’s just the two of you on the lifeboat together and she’s like… “It’s too cold to swim and there are sharks” “And then almost as if a revelation about the realitity of it all she finally says “tell me about yourself, like the you behind those layers .” Keep in mind it’s like your 10th date or even the honeymoon. And she’s like oh crap I may be with this person for the rest of my life I should figure out what is at the core of this onion I’ve been kissing.

 

You know I’m right… and the honest girls will admit it. They can talk about emotions and vulnerability and connecting all they want. And you know the suave guys are like… “duh Jarvie you’re just now figuring this out.” And i’m like: “… ummm… I knew it was mostly the case (like a great majority) i was just thinking that perhaps there were exceptions to the rule and that I was cool enough to make it in under that exemption clause” Well I figured it out for you all… God is probably like “so what you’re a player for a moment in time, I died for your imperfections and now all of a sudden you’re worried about being real good at being vulnerable…I knew you’d be pressured into being a emotionally manipulative tool by society. How else you gonna find someone? You shoulda took to the free pass like everyone else.” And you’re like wellp… missed that memo. But you didn’t because you read this message.

 

But…

Ok fine…

“bro” you were right I, Scott Jarvie, should have listened. But now I’m out of step with culture so it’s too late for old dogs and silly fake tricks You are not the exception. They hate the game and yet a lifetime of living in a culture has programmed them this way. And sure when you do find love… go ahead and listen to a brene brown talk or something like that. It’s quite nice. For some reason it feels so right to put out everything openly and without a care hoping that the person will be like… “hey wait you have flaws too… I had no idea and I like you even more.” Haha oh the things fairy tales are made of. You can tell your kids about it when you are older. Culutres change maybe it’ll be the thing then… but this is your culture son… don’t screw it up. Take a lesson from me. Beat the d-bags at their own game and just try not to be one (too much.

Pepto-Bismol Your Relationship

by

vomit love

I was about 12-years old when one night, I woke up sick.

 

Super sick.

 

Like the feeling you get when there are evil elves gnawing at your innards and trying to axe their way out sick…I’m sure you know what I mean.

 

To my fragile mind, I was certain this was going to be the end of me.

 

I crawled into my parents’ room with my last confession and so say my final goodbyes. My father rolled out of bed and brought me to the toilet where he handed me a capful of Pepto-Bismol.

 

I refused to take it.

 

I told him I was too sick.

 

“Zack,” he said with the tired sigh of a patient parent needing to go to work in a few hours, “just take it. Look, it will either make you throw up and you’ll feel better, or it will make you feel better and then, well, you’ll feel better.”

 

Even at death’s doorstep, the logic was sound.

 

I partook of the bubblegum elixir and slowly, calmly drifted back to sleep on the cool tile floor. Much to everyone’s surprise, I’m sure, I awoke the next day feeling just fine.

 

This is just like a relationship.

Should you take them to a family dinner?

Should you invite them to the class reunion?

Should you take that next big leap?

 

I say yeah!

 

Look, it is either going to work out or not. If you are to the point that you are thinking about taking that dried-up riverbed stroll, then take that next step.

 

The best Pepto-Bismol for a relationship?

A road trip.

 

There have been more breakups and relationship jumping off points from road trips than from any other event I can think of. Just pick a place and go there. You may need to turn around half-way, but then again, you may need to take more time off of work.

 

Because if it isn’t going to work out, you’ll find out quickly.

 

If it will, you’ll feel better knowing sooner.

 

Plug your nose, close your eyes and bottoms up baby! It’s going to be a fun ride.


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