Counsel that Helped me Get Married: “Date Less”


Hot Pop Tart

“How’d your meeting go?” my roommate asked.

“Well…he gave me the oddest dating advice I’ve ever heard.”


It was a few years ago and I had just met with a respected PhD in behavioral science to get his advice about life and the topic of dating came up. I told him that I was dating and felt that I was really on the path to marriage.


As he asked about the name of the girl I was interested in.

A chuckle escaped my smirk.

“THE girl?!” I responded.

He smiled in slight confusion.

I pulled out my phone with the list of 7 girls I was perusing.

His smile quickly faded.

Mine swiftly followed as I realized how stupid I looked.


I felt like a dog showing off an album of chased car bumpers or an old man displaying a list of kids he had shaken his fist at from the front porch. Not only did I not catch any of them, but had I—I don’t think I would have known what to do.


He rubbed the bridge of his eyes, trying to wipe away the disbelief of my naivety. “There’s an old proverb, ‘chase two rabbits, both escape.’ Think about that.”

“All I’m trying to do is get married. I mean, shouldn’t I hedge my bets?”

“No, Zack, you are being selfish. What you need to do it date less.”


His words stuck to me and burned like piping hot toaster-fresh Pop Tart filling.


I soon realized that I didn’t date a lot of girls at once to hedge my bets, but to make sure that I wasn’t left alone and feeling hurt. I had gone after too many girls who didn’t feel the same way and I didn’t want to have my heart broken, so I distributed it among enough supports, that I never had to feel the pain of falling…falling in love alone, or out of love together.


Yes, my heart was in the right place, but my mind wasn’t. I truly was thinking about myself. I gave no thought for how the girls I was dating would feel if they knew they were on a list I arrogantly showed off.


I used to judge those who never dated and assumed they were just too afraid of getting hurt and just needed more courage.

I realized then, that I was no different for dating too much.


Now I’m not saying that when we are looking for a spouse we should only ever go out with one guy or gal at a time, but I am saying that you should be honest and be careful.


Be honest with yourself to really take a good look at why you date the way you do.

Be careful with others, realizing that true love is only found in one.