Why I’m Afraid of Marriage: Confessions of a Single LDS Man

by | Family. inspiration. LDS Living. Love

happy newlywed

 

At the start of this year, I got tired of not being able to see the world. So, as some of you may know, I’ve been traveling a lot lately.

 

When I share this with my married friends, they usually say, “Get that all out of your system now, because when you’re married . . .”

 

Then they trail off into an assumed negative statement of common knowledge about how marriage means that life isn’t fun or something. (I’m not sure because no one ever finishes that sentence.)

 

Sure, it becomes more expensive and more difficult (especially with kids). But does excitement have to be drained out of a relationship because of family?

 

In pondering over that question, I realized one of my biggest fears about marriage is that life will become audaciously ordinary, banal—dull. 

 

Of the couples I have observed, there are very few marriages which look enjoyable to me. (Now admittedly, the couples in those relationships may be perfectly content; it just doesn’t seem like it would work for me.)

 

Not great odds. But determined to beat the odds, I started to consider the commonalities between the marriages I admired.

There were two factors I’ve noticed in marriages I admire:

1. They have respect for each other. They are friends.

2. They work for adventure. Not that they spend thousands of dollars a month traveling, but they share new experiences with each other.

 

To read the conclusion of this post, go to LDSLiving.com.

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  • Minoska Mateo

    I totally get you! It’s sad how people (especially married people) talk about marriage like it’s the end of fun. It makes me wonder: “Is it worth it? What is the point of marriage if people stop being happy after it?”

  • Laura

    I completely agree. This was a major concern for me. I just talked openly to Chris about it before we got married and it has never been an issue. I had never been out of the country before wet got married thanks to super strict parents. Now I have been all over Europe, to Istanbul, Israel, Jordan, and Panama and Costa Rica. All while still in school and broke. It’s all about your priorities. I think marriage makes life an even greater adventure because I get two perspectives on everywhere we go and I always have someone to laugh with. After 6 years I can honestly say life got way more fun once I got married to Chris. Just don’t marry someone boring and don’t be boring!

  • Amanda

    Most married couples just don’t take the time or they say they don’t have the money to do things anymore. We travel about every other year, either as a family or just my husband and I. When we went to the keys for 8 days earlier this year without our kids half of everyone judged us for leaving our kids and the other half thought it was great we did it. It was harder to get away workout our three girls but it was so worth it!
    So basically if it is something you both want it will happen.

  • Sawtooth4x4

    I’ve been married for almost 15 years. We have 4 kids. If you can’t figure out how to have fun with your wife, you are either lazy or unable to think. Its not hard to keep having adventures. Even if you have to bring your kids along sometimes, its not hard to still have fun with your wife. Suck it up, put the video games away, grow up, get a real job. Marriage isn’t that hard, or maybe I just got an awesome fun wife.

    • Debra Hatfield

      Whoa, harsh words, the rest sounds so true though.

  • Debra Hatfield

    … I had to read more comments on this page. Now I’m going to watch 19 Kids and Counting, because it’s SO BORING… 😉 haha

  • Amanda

    This could easily be retitled “confessions of a single LDS woman.” I’m divorced with three kids and though I don’t get to travel as much as I would like to, I still make time for fun both with and without my kids. Getting married can be scary when you feel like you would have to give up some of that fun. (For me right now, it’s salsa dancing.) I agree that it’s about setting priorities and making time for each other. I always cringe when I hear someone say that they’ll try to find time for their relationship. It doesn’t work well that way. You have to MAKE time. Somewhere out there, there’s a person who will be willing to explore the world (whether it’s the literal world, or just your piece of it) with you. A person who will jump into crazy adventures, big or small, with both feet. Someone with whom you can enjoy discovering new things, or taking turns enjoying the things you both already love. And as you said, a person who magnifies your happiness. At least that’s my hope.

    • Zack Oates

      Thank you so much for sharing and your hope is mine! Beautifully said and I wish you the best on your journey! keep commenting wisdom.