Divorce Does NOT Define You in Dating

by | Dates

divorce does not define me

Jordan Moss and her opinion on Divorced Dating…

 

—guest post—

 

 

You CAN’T write a post about dating, divorce and Mormons and expect me not to say anything… so here’s my two cents. For one thing, I was suuuuper scared about the stigma of being “divorced.” I never thought that would be a word I would use to define myself and it was a really hard adjustment. (Sidenote- I’ve also learned that ‘divorced’ isn’t something that defines me. It’s not who I am, just something I’ve been through!)

 

I’ve said it a hundred times, but I felt like every time I met someone new it would be all “Hi, I’mJordanI’mdivorcedandIhaveakid. Still want to talk? No? Ok.” Basically I felt like I had a giant label on my forehead, buuuut, the more time passed and the more positive reactions I got the easier it became. I know who I am and I’m confident in the choices I made that got me here, and I’m not embarrassed to talk about it with someone who understandably has questions. I wish I had been less apprehensive about it from the get-go, but it was a learning experience for sure. And, I was pleasantly surprised that everyone has been super cool about it, including guys.

Which brings me to my second thought. Before I was divorced with a kid I honestly don’t know if I would have given a divorced father a chance. I’ll admit that the ‘father’ part is still hard- as hypocritical as it might sound, that now means blending a family for me which is a whole other ball game and I still just don’t feel like that’s the ideal for me. But who knows? The point is, I try to be much more open-minded, and I also totally get it if a guy isn’t down to date me because of it. I’m (we’re) a lot of responsibility, which isn’t the “cool” thing in Provo these days 😉 but seriously I know it will take a certain kind of person to be willing and happy to take that on and I completely get that. Maybe sometimes relationships fizzle because of it, but it all boils back down to that ‘certain kind of person’ and so in the end it doesn’t really matter why, nor does it reflect on my self-worth.
If I was giving someone else advice it would be that despite what you might think/feel, you are NOT the only young LDS divorced person to ever exist. It might feel like nobody has been through it before you, but it’s surprising how many people you’ll meet that have, and it’s sort of like an exclusive club that nobody wants to join but then we all sort of agree to be friends and it’s kind of cool in the end. 🙂

Posted on:

  • Tess

    Jordan, I really appreciate your self-confidence! This is a good example for a lot of people that may feel isolated and that divorce is taboo. I, for one, am eternally grateful for my father for not judging my mother (or vice versa) when they got married and she already had 2 boys. They have a good sense of humor: when Nathan went on his mission, they finally had their honeymoon stage…after 32 years of marriage.

    Love you, girl.

  • Ryan Peterson

    Jord, The only label I see is Awesome! If everyone were as sweet, fun, happy, determined, and devout as you we’d all be closer to our potential. Seriously… Job, kid, school, social life AND your own apt… And you pull it off.

    So anyone reading this… Yeah… What she said!

    • Aaron Ravonsheed

      Sounds like you’re “willing and happy to take that on” Ryan my man! Glad I could hook you two up and solve a problem for both of you 😉

      (Well written article Ms.Moss)