“It’s Not Me, It’s YOU!”

by | Break ups. Single

free yourself in dating

 

I have a friend who was dating this guy for a couple of years. He was ready to pull the trigger, kill his single life and propose, but she couldn’t get herself there. She always felt like something within was holding her back and trapping her heart.

 

So she tried to get herself out of her own prison.

 

She went to therapy to improve, but was discouraged.

She read books about how to be exclusive, but had eyes for others.

She prayed to get over her fears, but it was still scary.

 

Nothing worked.

 

Then…she finally dumped him.

 

She fed him the line, ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ garbage and she honestly believed it.

 

He told her that she had crazy phobia of commitment.

 

BUT…

 

Two weeks later she met a guy, a month later she was engaged and a few months later she was married.

 

She felt free. Turns out, she was trying to escape the wrong prison the whole time.

 

Now look, a lot of you are going to read that story and think that you are great and don’t need to change and you just haven’t met the right one.

 

Chances are, you do need some fixing.

 

But when you meet someone who could be the right person, you want to change and be “fixed” to make yourself a better you (NOTE: not just a ‘better person,’ but the ‘better you.’).

 

When you meet someone you want to be with, guess what…? YOU WANT TO BE WITH THEM!

 

Improving is encouraging, not a bummer.

Not dating other people is a relief, not a sacrifice.

Long-term talks are exciting, not scary.

 

So if you are in a relationship and have worked at improving and getting over your fears and aren’t sure why you are still feeling uneasy, try to walk away. It might give you the perspective to help you understand the source of your fear.

 

Because if you don’t want to be with someone and are fearful about the relationship, maybe it isn’t you, but them for you.

 

Find a new ‘them’ to make a free ‘you.’

 

 

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  • Janet Q

    Awesome, well done. this is so true.

  • Amanda

    Amen! It can be hard to let go of a comfortable relationship that just isn’t the right long term fit and set sail for the wide open ocean by yourself. But I say a little solitude to get your perspective and your heading straightened out, and a good strong fishing rod, can do a lot of good. There are a lot of fish out there. So throw out the line and see what kind of interesting people you can meet. It won’t be comfortable at first, but you may be surprised at what you find. You might even end up catching the perfect person for you.