Don’t Try to Hook them on a First Date; 5 Steps to Be Single, but Not Desperate

Peter Pan


So you’re single.


Like Captain Hook, you fear that ticking clock coming closer and closer.


Your skin is getting more wrinkles, is your head is getting balder, your energy is going down and you are having trouble getting to sleep at night.


And while WebMD says you have Hypothyroidism based on those symptoms (and your word processor can’t figure out what that is)—it’s just called getting older.


And sure, all of your married friends and their spouse are off the fat races, your expanding circumference leaves you with one single fear: being alone.


So with a shot of 1 part determination and 2 parts desperation with a chaser of “Agency or Inspiration” by Bruce R McConkie, you commit to commitment…once again.


You are not going to be that aunt or uncle at the family reunion in 20 years. You are doing it. You are getting married.


You are a shark on the hunt.

Here’s the problem: yeah, there are plenty of fish in the sea, but how many of them are attracted to sharks?


When the purpose of our first dates stop being to enjoy time with “someone” and becomes a prolonged speed date hunt for “the one,” it wears like an unwashed sweater from a Goodwill bin. Because the truth is, desperation is much more potent than determination.


The object of our affection may misinterpret our intention when we pointlessly point our hook into an unsuspecting audience and call out “YOU!” Instead of the lesson in flying and happy thoughts you had in mind, they feel like a future victim of the boo box.


So what are you to do if you’re on this never never ending search for the one and can feel yourself starting to jump to too many conclusions?


     ONE. Make a list of 5 things and ask out/get asked out by anyone with those 5.


     TWO. Remember that the purpose of a first date is to see if you want a second, not to see if you want a 50-year wedding anniversary.


     THREE. Don’t get trapped into negativity. No amount of makeup or gym-time can be a suitable replacement for that. (Note: I’m not talking about depression or anxiety. Negativity is a choice.)


     FOUR. Stop looking at the clock. No one got through the movie Australia any faster by knowing how much of it was done. Your movie might feel too long, quite boring and like it should have ended three times…but even that flick had a credits (so I’ve been told).


     FIVE. Remember that you are amazing. You are not losing time. Keep trying. Your tears are known and your fears are felt—and great things await you. Yes…you.


Yeah, sure, you aren’t going to stay this young Peter/Penny Pan forever…but you hold onto your happy thoughts of what is eternally important, and you will mount up on wings of eagles.