GUEST POST from my good friend who happens to not be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and reside of Beverly Hills. His opinion on dating was so enriching, funny and interesting, I couldn’t help but share.
Enter average guy. So, you’re in the grocery store with a hand basket full of food and the lean cuisine© meals are piled on the top for the world to see (they are on sale for 5 for $10 today and a staple of many a bachelor’s diet…obvi) …and then that a smoking hot girl walks down the same aisle and she has some almond milk, a piece of fruit, and some kale in her basket…what do you do?
Also, also what is going on here? A lot.
First of all this would never happen because these girls only shop for their kale at Whole Foods and they don’t sell lean cuisine’s© there…so that was the first mental exercise…which you failed…try to do better on this next part..mkayyy?!
So, second, let’s focus on the fact that you offered her up a really huge smile as she walked by you even though your earbuds were in and you were frowning for the other 90% of the time that you were walking toward her in the aisle…sound familiar? Why did you do that? What do you think she thinks when you smiled at her real big for no reason? She KNOWS that you want to make out with her right next to those Cheerios© boxes because every guy everywhere since she was 10 years old has smiled at her and tried to be nice to her hoping that that will make her like him. Do you really think that if you do the same thing as everyone else around her (randomly smile BIG) that you will finally win the lottery and she will notice you and want to marry you and believe that you are the superior male that she should then mate with?? You know, by age 25, the hot girls catch on to what you are doing are why you are smiling at them…I promise you they do. I can also tell you that she is very proud of her body to be wearing that provocative outfit right now and that it will (luckily for her) serve as a deterrent for 99% of guys who are too intimidated to speak to her and saver her some hassles (she thinks)…so she wears it to weed out all the would-be average suitors with low confidence…
But you are different (because you read this post)! ALSO, unfortunately for you, she very aware that you have a pile of lean cuisine’s© in your basket that even the nicest smile cannot undo. So what do you do, bearing in mind that SHE KNOWS SHE IS HOT AND IS USED TO BEING TREATED SPECIAL AND WANTS THAT POSITIVE REINFOREMENT THAT SHE IS SPECIAL? Well, for starters, don’t let her know it! If you deny her your goofy smile, she may just seek validation of her hotness…from YOU…if you play your cards right!
So, assuming you are able to successfully navigate a #meetCute, possibly by sarcastically (and with a straight face) telling her that “she got the wrong dressing for her Kale (referring to her milk)…”, here are some 5 tips on the type of thing to do next that could pique her interest:
- Leave her presence as soon as possible after you get her number. Literally, if you are at a party, leave immediately and go somewhere else. Don’t hang around and try to talk to her. The probability that you will say something stupid and ruin everything is very high.
- Call her a few days later and pretend to be extremely busy. Keep the conversation under 1 minute 30 seconds. Make a joke. Have a plan in mind. Tell her you have to go. Hang up.
- Text her 2 days before and tell her you have a charity event you have to go to that night, and that you need to reschedule for next week. Don’t text her back for several hours. Don’t use emoticons.
3.5. Cancel on her again if you have the guts.
- Tell her where and when to meet you in a text a few days later. Try to pick someplace that takes her out of her element. i.e. if she takes herself really seriously, maybe try a comedy show… or if she is a hipster…take her someplace fancy…or if you are into the cougars maybe to a hip concert….
Try to coordinate something for a date that will create a memory and also make her feel like she is not in control of the situation (since, as a hot girl, she is used to “calling the shots”).
These types of dating tactics get her thinking things like:
- “He was really funny…oh, wait…where did he go?” I miss him already. I wonder if I can find him on Facebook©. (P.S. don’t add her on Facebook or confirm her request)
- “What? He’s too busy to talk to me? I wonder what he’s doing that’s more important than talking to me? Every guys since I was 10 years old wants to talk to me all the time be because I’m so hot and the world revolves around me.”
- “He cancelled on ME? Wait…what? I’m the only one that gets to flake out…how dare he beat me to the punch at my own game!”
- “OMG, philanthropy?! Maybe he will make a good father, he must be kind-hearted” (for emphasis, please imagine them thinking this in a high pitched Barbie© voice. K thx!). While texting this, please feel free to enjoy an evening of pizza and Netflix©.
- “Wow, I don’t usually do this stuff very often. Hmm..this guys is interesting and maybe he is different than all the other “Big Smile” guys!
Note about the Guest:
For me, I’m a child of a second marriage. So my father is 50 years older than me and I feel more pressure then most peers to be responsible as a young professional adult and start a family earlier- like in the good ‘ol days. And even though what I would really like to do is have a nice time with a nice girl like the LDS dating world you are involved in– the truth in major metro cities is that a successful guy needs to play these dating games just to get an opportunity to have that type relationship with a super hot successful woman. They expect some sort of game play – and they have developed a man-filter system- and game play is it (also if you are ugly, it’s tough too — if so, try to make a lot of money). Truth is if you are not able to deliver some mystery or something unusual to her that disrupts her normal routine of life then you are not giving her any reason to distinguish you from the 100 guys that look her up in appropriately on the streets each day or hit on her at bars or at work or anywhere she goes. Why you?
Women want to be challenged.