Sometimes, the meanest thing you can be is nice.
Before I get into this I just need to say something: this post is going to be a little harsh, but I am speaking on behalf of men and not angrily to one girl. (I’ve already forgiven you…if you’re even reading this…and based on how often you still contact me…you probably are.)
You met a guy. He is super nice and you rated him a 7 at first, but after a few date found out that you actually kind of like him. You are worried that maybe he isn’t the most attractive and isn’t terribly social and doesn’t have a solid career path, but you know that he deserves a chance and while you aren’t quite over your ex, you realize that you need to move on and he is the guy that has been pursuing and not to mention that you just kissed and so think that you are ready to DTR into a positive place.
The girl actually likes you. She is kind of out of your league, but she laughs at your jokes and if you can get her to like you enough before she realizes that you are a closet-gamer, then you could really make this into something special.
And time goes on…dating starts and maybe even a little kissing, who knows?
But there is only so long a duck and an eagle can be together before the eagle feels like they are being held back and the break up ensues.
Now is where things get awful.
The girl says that things aren’t working and still wants to be friends. The guy blubbingly agrees because…well, what else is he supposed to say?
Then the girl takes the whole “friends” literally, something the guy had NO intention of doing. She is lonely, so she calls him to talk, text, and occasionally lunch. Just to be nice.
You think staying a part of his life and reminding him that he wasn’t good enough for you to help you not feel lonely is “nice?”
Just leave the poor guy alone. In three years you will be married or not talking. Stop pretending you can keep your “buddy” who really likes you when you have a husband. You are doing nothing but selfishly parading around your broken heart–which you, all by yourself, took a hammer to. You martyr yourself and make him bear the cross. You are l-i-t-e-r-a-l-l-y (not literally) killing them with kindness.
The game is a catch and release. Not catch and drag him, hook in mouth, all the way back to shore.
The only difference between your loneliness and his is that you know there isn’t a chance for the future–he doesn’t. Empty hope has tried and dried more hearts a thousand times over than breakups ever have.
Non-sexist Note: The same goes for guys towards girls…it is just a lot more rare because the guy, well, quite frankly the guy just forgets about the girl and finds someone else. #sorrywedontcaremore
Snarky Note: Yeah, I know that blubbingly isn’t a word, you gallyfrudge.