This weekend I participated in the Cotopaxi Questival, a 24 hour scavenger hunt that was just an amazing adventure! There were around 200 tasks and in the final hours, we were in first out of 450 teams (our partner team was tied with us too!). It was an exciting race, which, in the end… we lost.

 

Second place prize?

 

Nothing.

 

Sad day.

 

Now it’s tomorrow.

 

And while having my captain-crunch-and-Advil breakfast smoothie this morning (nope, not hungover), I was reflecting on how 60 feet of group Facebook messages, 130 hours of combined planning, 6 hours of sleep over 67 hours, 3 postponed final projects and a few hundred dollars helped me to win “nothing” this weekend, I realized that in reality, I won some an awesome consolation prize.

 

As Andy says in the finale of the Office, “I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.”

But you know what, Andy? I think there is.

 

See, as the trip started and we were driving to our first adventure, everyone in my car gave a group fist bump and we said, ‘Guys…we are living a memory right now!’ How did we know? Because we were on an adventure…together.

And that is what I’ve learned over this grueling experience. While we didn’t win a trip around the world, what’s more important than the fact that we came close, was the fact that we BECAME close. (I’m not happy about not winning, but that I’m not upset I competed.)

 

See with our group #C2H and #C2L, there is no one else in the world that will really understand what the 7 of us did together, besides the 7 of us. Hence, we have become a sort of family. And that IS the good old days. It is those moments, those memories that drive us together and sometimes drive us crazy.

 

I (sh/c)ould have been studying for finals, or working on my semester-end projects or something(…I mean, after all, I am a responsible MBA student, right?), but as I was reflecting back on my undergrad days, I don’t recall any of those things. I recall the road trips, the late night chats, the opportunities for me to help when it was inconvenient, the blessings of others helping me when I was down, the experiences that solidified friendships.

 

And what greater prize is there than that?

 

For as I always say, God gives us friends that we might choose family.

Thanks for being a part of my family Conner, Kyle, Rico, Josh, Andy, Alex…and Rex. My love for you will last much longer than the pain in my legs that my smoothie didn’t put a dent into. And while a trip around the world would have been cool (#notpassiveaggressiveatall #notsarcastic …#okayyougotme #sarcastic)) because of you, I feel like “nothing” is a terrible way to describe what I won.

 

So here’s my plea to all (especially my future self): live a life of tender adventure–adventures that bring those tender memories of being together. And know that as you do…those, my friends, are the good old days.

 

And to all who have or will share some of my life’s tender adventures…thank you. I know I’m not always easy, but…well, actually..that’s all I got, I’m not easy, sorry.

 

Now, if you don’t mind, I need to get to bed. I have a lot of studying to do tomorrow.

 

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What would your day look like in five years if you had a billion dollars deposited in your bank account today?

 

I have asked that question to hundreds of people and the answers usually start with ‘traveling the world’ or ‘donating to some cause.’ At this point I remind the person answering that it isn’t about what they would do right after they had the money and it isn’t about what they would do with the money, but rather what they would do with their time in five years. What would their actual schedule look like from waking up to going to bed in five years?

 

This exercise can reveal so much about our vision of who we want to be, and more importantly, who we are.

 

STEP ONE: Realize Your SI’s

 

The first step is to understand that we set up barriers for ourselves.

 

When we think of our future we automatically set up barriers for ourselves, I call them The Three SI’s [insert dramatically despondent ‘sigh’].

 

Self-Inflicted – (present) we make wrong choices that put us in a situation where we cannot succeed.

Self-Imagined – (future) we think that it will be impossible because of a whole array of variables that may or may not transpire taking the form of what-if’s.

Self-Imposed – (past) we determine that we cannot succeed in our goal because others (and maybe even we) have failed.

 

Here is the thing; our dreams are like a balloon and as our dreams grow and inflate with hope, the higher we go. But the higher we go, the farther we have to fall if the balloon pops. So what do we do? We place barriers to guard us from falling. We limit our dreams to protect our heart. We do things that prevent us from achieving greatness, fear an unknown future, and lament over an impossible set of historical data. But if we remove all those barriers and live outside The Three SI’s, then we can let our dreams take flight to exactly where they want to go.

 

Imagining ourselves as billionaires is one way to do that—because most problems, in our mind, can be solved with money. Now obviously, you can’t go from a minimum wage job to traveling around saving the world. There are some constraints. But this is where this exercise gets fun.

STEP TWO: Make your schedule in five years with a billion dollars.

 

After you accept the possibility that there are barriers that only you can control, make your list of things you would do with your time in five years if you had a billion dollars. Write down what activities would fill your calendar—it’s not about your money, it is about your time. Go ahead, take 60 seconds and write it down.

 

Back?

 

Okay.

 

 STEP THREE: Find out WHY

 

Now…take that list and ask yourself “why” at least five times for each item. The key is to answer “why” only for the previous answer and thinking about nothing else. By the last time you answer “why” you are usually at the core desire for that particular item.

 

This is the essence of your dream, your vision of yourself and a core desire.

 

For example, one participant said that he wanted to own a jet to fly. Here is how our dialogue went:

Me: (1)Why do you want to fly?

Him: Because I want to see new countries.

Me: (2)Why?

Him: Because I want to get to know new people.

Me: (3)Why?

Him: Because I want to understand more cultures.

Me: (4)Why?

Him: Because I want to connect with people better with more common ground?

Me: (5)Why?

Him: H’m….well, I don’t know.  I guess because I want to build a relationship to help them.

Me: So the real reason you want to fly is because you want to help people?

Him: Yeah…that feels right.

 

And that is the key. If it feels right, if you would be happy in the pursuit of and not just in the achievement of it, you’re there.  You have discovered a core desire. And so can my friend fly? You bet he can! He can call someone to see if they need help with a project. He can write and deliver a thank you note to someone who needs a pick-me-up. He can let someone else have that front row parking spot.

 

As he helps people, he is living his life as a billionaire. He isn’t worried about his self-inflicted, self-imagined and self-imposed barriers, for he is living his dream.

 

At the conclusion of these exercises with others, the most that someone has ever had to pay to fulfill his or her core desire is one dollar.

 

A dollar.

 

That is how much it costs to live your life as a billionaire.

 

Your biggest dreams are your core desires screaming to become a reality. Give those desires breath by living your life as a billionaire. For life is about your time, not your money.

 

And guess what? You’ve got as much time as any billionaire.

 

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Did he never call you after that great first date? Did she never return your text? Did you lose that game? Did someone not show up to support you? Did you look into the mirror after quitting another diet? Did the business fail? Did that perfect relationship end? Did someone you care about pass away? Did a little one you were hoping to care about never make it?

 

Did tears make their way to your pillow at night and morning seemed forNever away?

 

Recently, disappointment has found its way into my life in numerous ways. I try to stay positive and not unload my problems on others, but things have been tough–and that is okay to say. (Remember, just because others have it harder doesn’t marginalize your pain.)

 

In thinking about disappointment, I started to analyze the etymology of the word itself.

 

“dis-“ the prefix for reversal, negation or removal.

“-appoint-“ to assign to a position or set a time–things that have not yet occurred but are perceived future inevitabilities.

“-ment” the suffix for state of being.

 

So disappointment then, is the state of being the opposite of something expected.

 

Ah, the cure for disappointment, then, is to not have any expectations so that that they can never be unmet.

 

But no, this cannot be. We must make goals and go after them and fight with faith for that which we believe! It isn’t about giving up on dreams, no, that will never be the cure. That is simply succumbing to the sickness. The cure for disappointment is not found in the avoidance, but in the acceptance: we must learn to deal with the unpreventable occasions when reality falls short of our ‘appointed’ plans.

 

While my acquaintance with disappointment might not be to the personal familiarity of yours, the principles are nonetheless similar. Here is the 5-G Cure for Disappointment (they get decreasingly descriptive on purpose).

 

1. Get hopeful. Don’t succumb to dis-courage-ment (or the state of being removed from courage). Discouragement is a deadly disease distilled from the dredges of disregarded disappointment. I promise there are good things to come! Allow yourself to weather the phases: denial, anger and sadness…but then seek for understanding and therein you will find hope. As Shakespeare penned, “The miserable have no other medicine/ But only hope” (All’s Well that Ends Well, act II, sc.i, l. 2). The cure is not dreamlessness, but hopefulness.

2. Gain perspective. Pray, read scriptures and sit under the stars for five minutes to realize that whatever your disappointment, there is more to the universe than the now the pain you feel. Look to see how you can learn, change and grow “for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better” (Ecclesiastes 7:3). Usually the biggest thing that comes out of this is gratitude for all that you do have.

3. Gather yourself. Take a (small) break. It could be listening to music, running, hot tubbing, talking with a loved one…just know it is okay to breeeeeeeeathe.

4. Give to others. Even if you feel broken, there are hearts that only you can mend.

5. Go forward…

 

So in a life of ‘just about’s and ‘almost’s and ‘kindof’s and ‘nearly’s and ‘not quite’s–basically, in a world where things are in a state opposed to your expectations, know that there is one “G” that is constantly complete: God.

 

Whatever you perceive “God” to be, I know that we can reach out in prayer and experience healing, peace and love amidst the greatest disappointments of life…yes, even yours. Because no matter the dark clouds of disappointment, the future still shines bright.

 

 

For as we are promised, “weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning” (Pslam 30:5).

 

 

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(Check out my previous 27 Life Lessons too)

I learned a lot of incredible things this year, such as:

•  I can’t blame myself for not loving someone (romantically) and I can’t blame another for not loving me.
• If I am in the midst of a trial I can pray to God, “teach it to me, or take it from me.”
• Networking covereth a multitude of sins.

 

But this year, my main lesson was one that has not just impacted a portion of my life, but has been a beautiful blanket that, at the end of every single day, has soothed a stress and warmed the weariness.

 

On my birth-week last year, a dear friend of mine, Fred Hockenjos, challenged me to write two ways I saw the hand of God in my life that day.

 

Two ways, every day–and I never missed.

 

Some days when I was feeling selfish, it was hard. But most days it was hard to keep it to just two ways! And then some days I couldn’t even pick one way because I felt as if God was carrying every moment of my day.

 

It wasn’t that my life was changed, but my perspective. Capriciously concocted conversations became orderly orchestrated opportunities. Serendipitous situations to serve changed into calculated chances to care. “For one brief moment, heaven’s view appear[ed] before my gaze” (Testimony, hymns, p. 137).

 

—If you don’t like numbers, skip this part—

 

I did a statistical word analysis of how the content my journaling has changed as a result of this challenge (since I type my journal, this was pretty simple). My sporadicly kept 2007-2012 journal has 219 pages using 93,998 unique words. My 2013 journal has 154 pages and uses 6,945 unique words. I compared words that are important to me and their usage per (single spaced) page.

 

What words would you expect to find more often and less often?

 

I was very surprised. 

 

Words like “happy,” “hope,” and “love” have remained a constant 1-2 times per page in both the ’07-’12 and ’13 with an equal usage. Seemed normal.

 

“God” went from less than 1x per page in the ’07-’12 to over 6x per page in the ’13 journal. Now since I am talking about ‘how I saw the hand of God,’ that makes sense.

 

BUT, here is where things became VERY interesting.

 

The word “grateful” was where I was shocked. I went from using that word once every other page to 4 times per page. FOUR! Basically, I expressed gratitude seven times more often. From 24 times per year to 582 times in 2013–even though I wasn’t ‘supposed’ to write things for which I was grateful.

 

And what’s more interesting is that the words “I” and “me” were used 4,128 times LESS in the 2013 journal.

 

—are you still there?…numbers are over—

 

Basically, by looking for the hand of God, I saw that the things worth recording have so little to do with me!

 

So what did I write about? Usually it was opportunities to serve or people who served me. That is how I saw the hand of God. I felt whole by giving and felt supported by receiving–every single day.

 

Isaiah spoke the truth when he spoke for Christ, “Even to your old age I am he…[who] will carry you: I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry , and will deliver you” (Isaiah 46:4).

 

And seeing how God carries me has filled me with such overwhelming gratitude (maybe not to seventy times seven the gratitude, but at least seven times).

 

So what is my lesson that the last 365 days have taught me?

 

It is this:

 

If you want to see the hand of God, look. If you want to hear the voice of God, listen. If you want to feel the love of God, serve. 

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For the past few years, on my birthday (or around my bday as the hot tubbing requirements may necessitate), I contemplate on the life lessons from the previous 365 days. This year was incredible. I have learned some amazing lessons and I am going to share my 28th one tomorrow. But now, I’ll give you my previous 27.

 

Please share your big life lessons in the comments and maybe I can switch out a few.

1. Follow the Spirit.
2. Go to bed every night knowing God a little better than the night before.
3. Never finish a prayer until you feel God’s love.
4. Study the scriptures to teach something daily.
5. Confidence is based on who you really are–nothing else.
6. Leadership is an organized opportunity to help the world and you grow.
7. Distill every institution, activity and program down to love.
8. One soul is a good enough reason.
9. If you don’t think you can change the world, then change someone’s world. Don’t underestimate the power of one–namely, you.
10. Keep your priorities focused on the eternal.
11. Serve until you love.
12. If you have to wonder if they can feel your love, express it.
13. Godly sorrow is knowing that Christ suffered because of you and not just for you.
14. There is ALWAYS a reason to rejoice.
15. Do what you say you will do, when you say you will do it…and try to do a little more.
16. If you feel stressed, stop. Think. What can you do to fix the problem? If there is nothing you can do, then pray. If there is something you can do, then do it. If you ever forget this rule, just go under the stars for 5 minutes.
17. Expectations for other should be to try; expectations for yourself should be perfect love.
18. Women bear children, men open doors.
19. Do what the best version of you would do.
20. There is a way to do things, and there is the way to get things done.
21. The proverbial “self” is not found or discovered–it is created.
22. Dream big and live smart, but don’t let others’ invented limitations dictate what constitutes “smart.”
23. Live life sincerely.
24. Keep your heart open to real love, for love liberates hope.
25. Seek business partners who display three attributes consistently: innovation, communication and dependability-ation.
26. Work smart, work hard and know that, in the end, success is given to you.
27. You are what’s worth it. And while you have a ways to go, you are doing better than you think. In a life filled with dreams broken by ‘just about’s and ‘almost’s and ‘sort of’s and ‘would have been’s…know that you, yes…even you–especially you, are worth being loved. Jeffrey R. Holland, “No one of us is less treasured or cherished of God than another. He loves each of us – insecurities, anxieties, self-image, and all.”

So lesson 28 coming tomorrow. I’m so excited to share…it has been a long time coming. (well…at least a year)