You take your significant other on a journey to visit a very wise man—the wisest man in the world. Not only is he wise, but he happens to know both your and your interest.
You traverse the mountain until you arrive at his door and tell your (boy/girl)friend to wait outside. They sit down and begin to anxiously bite their nails.
You go into the wise man and say, “I have come to ask a question.”
“Proceed,” comes his response.
“Well, I was wondering if this person and I should get married. I’ll do whatever you say.”
Now stop…and think.
What do you think this wise man would tell you? If he tells you yes or no, then you can blame him for the answer and everything that is a result of that would be his fault. You are off scot free. Wouldn’t that be nice?
But see, he is a wise man.
So instead he says, “What do you think?”
“Well…” you stammer, “they are nice and kind and super awesome, but I just don’t really want to marry them.”
“H’m. Interesting.” The wise man rubs his long beard. “That sounds about right.”
“Oh thank you so so so much!” You run out with a burst of relief.
Your boo is waiting with bated breath. “And…?!”
“I’m sorry, the wise man said that we can’t get married.”
* * *
I posted to Facebook asking your opinions and out of the 230 interactions from comments and likes, 91% of you agree with that story above.
211 interactions made mention that blaming God for a breakup is “bogus” a “copout” or “a crock of crazy Mormon horse [etc]” and “letting God do your dirty work.”
19 interactions said “in rare cases” “it can happen.”
Whatever you feel, I can say that this is a personal topic.
…especially for me.
God has dumped me through three girls.
And frankly, I’m a little tired of it.
I have heard many times the sentiment, ‘It is a big decision, so OF COURSE God cares so He will give revelation.”
That is assuming that if God cares, He will give direct answers.
- When I wondered if I should go to BYU or not for my undergrad, I got nothing.
- When I pondered about starting a company, I got nothing.
- When I prayed about going to get my MBA or PhD, I got nothing.
- When I plead for an answer about taking one internship or another, I got nothing.
I got nothing because God was trying to give me something more important than an answer—an opportunity to use my agency.
I thought it out, made a decision, prayed and then just went forward. And I made the right decision because I made my decision. Does not God care about the righteous desires of our heart?
So why do so many people blame God for break ups? Because revelation and obedience is engrained in us. And that is wonderful! But, when we focus so much on revelation that we forget about agency, then we are following some one else’s plan entirely.
Now, I do believe that God will intervene in some rare circumstances, but even in those cases, it is cowardly and cheap to blame it on Him. Take responsibility. It is not “God made me do this,” but rather, “I don’t feel good about this.”
I believe that God respects our agency and so should we.
What good does it do to tell someone that God broke up with them?
So yes, date, pray, decide and get an answer, but then, in the end, if the Lord has a contrary opinion, don’t make yourself a martyr and the other a sacrificial lamb. For in the end, aren’t we all commanded to “be wise” ourselves?
Now…a message to all those whom God “dumped”:
God is not talking bad about you behind your back.
If you are in good standing with Him, then don’t let another’s “revelation” dictate your relationship with Him.
No matter the excuse, if they don’t want to be with you, they don’t want to be with you and hence, you can do better. Be grateful they made the choice before you eventually had to.