Most people have been there–they find out their person is terrible at kissing.
For the few who don’t think they have…well, you are probably the reason most have been there.
A few months ago, I got an email from a one “SassyBerries” who claimed she was using her 5th grade email account to stay anonymous. She asked,
‘What do I do when, on a 4th date, I find out that this guy I met on Tinder and really like is just awful at kissing? The kissing is sloppy at best and painful at worst. HELP!’
First, take a breath…put down the breakup text. Are they new to kissing, have they just not been taught correct principles or what? Give him a break before you do anything rash.
Second, train with nonverbal by pulling away when they do something you don’t like.
Third, congratulate good behavior and complement them on what they do well.
Fourth, ask them if they would be interested in kissing in new ways or tell them what to do. Avoid at all costs telling them “Don’t do that.”
And fifth, get off Tinder, stop kissing and just take the next step in life.
Look, things are really complicated with relationships…in our minds. We over complicate them with a myriad of things–physicality being one of them.
I do want to applaud you for waiting until a 4th date to kiss him though. You shouldn’t give out your kisses like pretzels (that just leaves you thirsty for more).
When I was dating, I only had one rule with timing on kisses: don’t kiss the first day you meet someone.
Then I met my wife. But alas…another story that I’m sure my mother in law would love for me to re-tell.
See, kissing is a great part of dating, but trust, me, there are way better parts.
I’ve dated people that are great at kissing and there was no connection.
I’ve dated people that are terrible at kissing and there was connection.
The latter is always a better experience.
When it comes to physicality, I’d rather feel happy than satisfied.
No matter how many times you plug a lamp into a dead outlet, there will never be light. Look for the spark, then try the lamp.
The question shouldn’t be are they are terrible kisser, but are they a terrible person? And then, are they a great person? And then, are they a great person for me? And finally, am I a great person for them?
So miss SassyBerries, let kissing take its course as you give him your kissing course.