One of the best parts of blogging: the comments. Zander Jensen from www.zandersays.com and @zandersays commented regarding the post about “good guys,” “bad boys,” and the woes of women regarding each. Some comments must be shared in special ways. Zander’s is usually one of them.
————-the magic below————–
On why is it sometimes it pays to be a jerk, and why you shouldn’t be one anyway.
*I wrote this as a response to Zack’s Post here* (here is the link to the post)
When it comes to the “Nice Guy”/”Jerk” scenario, it really is so much more complicated than you can summarize in 300 words (I did my best and this is like 500). But hey, I’ll give it a shot. (For the record, a “bad boy” is different than a “jerk”, though not mutually exclusive)
Everyone knows that confidence is attractive, that’s dating 101, and a wide polling of women would suggest that there is a certain sexiness to a guy who knows what and goes after what he wants; conversely it is rather easy to cross over the line and come on too strong. In which case you “knowing what you want” becomes your downfall.
Let me break it down. If you are interested in someone, then when they perform a confident or romantic gesture toward you, it is not only welcome but incredibly attractive. If on the other hand you are not attracted to said person, the gesture at best is considered “sweet”, but more likely to come across as desperate and creepy.
The “Jerk” dynamic is best explained by the fact that the “jerk” doesn’t mind making his interest known in a very obvious way, while at the same time not caring what the outcome is. If he texts a girl and receives no response, he doesn’t mind, he’s probably talking to other girls, he’s moved on before he even noticed she hasn’t texted back. There is no double or even a *cringe* triple text, because frankly he doesn’t care.
I have read, and talked, about this subject ad nauseam. I could go on and on about how people love to go after what they can’t have, or how confidence plus mystery added to the thrill of “the chase” make for a dangerous (but admittedly fun) cocktail. Then there is the tyranny of choice, instant gratification, and a million other concepts.
But I won’t, because honestly it doesn’t matter. Knowing you have cancer is much different than curing it.
My advice for those who consider themselves to be a “nice guy”?
Stop telling yourself that you’re going to finish last, that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard and only self-defeating.
Next, stop complaining (no seriously, stop it) and be confident (fake it if you have to), be persistent (go after what you want), and most importantly be patient. Focus on something besides girls. Hobbies, passions and interests, fill your life so when you text that girl you aren’t sweating bullets waiting for the text back, instead you’re doing you.
And last, don’t date a girl that needs you to ignore her in order for her to be interested in you. Why would you want to date someone like that anyway (be confident remember)?