Girls Go for “Bad Boys” because “Good Guys” are Idiots

by | Dates. Genders

good guy bad boy

 

“Girls never give us ‘good guys’ a chance and always end up with those ‘bad boys’…ugh!”

 

If this is something some half man has said to you, perhaps this is a good opportunity to share it with them…because you love them.

 

If that is something you have said. For shame.

 

An attractive Asian dancer friend of mine shed some light on why she doesn’t ever seem to be with the “good guys,” much to her chagrin.

 

To understand why girls end up with “bad boys” and “good guys” are left confused, we must first understand how attraction with men and women works.

 

Women love on a spectrum. Men don’t.

 

Men love on a point.

 

Meaning that when a woman meets a man, that man can increase or decrease in attractiveness quite significantly based on personality, connection and the phase of the moon.

 

Men have a hard time really understanding this because they meet a woman and she pretty much stays the same attractiveness level, regardless of other factors.

 

Now, two of the MAIN factors in a woman finding a man attractive are 1) his confidence and 2) his interest shown in them.

 

And therein lies the problem of girls often liking the “bad boys.”

 

See the “good guys” are timid, humble and rarely assume that an attractive girl is interested in little ol’ them. The flirting of the female variety is confused for just being kind.

 

The “bad boys” are arrogant, pretentious and can’t fathom that an attractive girl isn’t interested in the awesomeness that is them. Even the spurns of an attractive woman are interpreted as unapologetically borderline obsession.

 

And while slightly annoying, the “bad boys” are, in the end, both persistent and flattering. And if the “bad boys” think so highly of themselves, the women think, maybe, just maybe, there is something there they should like too. Not to mention that confidence usually plays out in a successful career (albeit an affair or two, but that is a couple kids away).

 

Basically it isn’t that my Asian dancer friend goes after “bad boys,” but rather that “good guys” won’t grow a pair (of eyes to see a great opportunity).

 

ADVICE THROW DOWN:

 

Ladies…you will have to ‘put yourselves out’ there if you want a “good guy”–it may be tough, but it sure is better than just ‘putting out’ to the “bad boys.”

 

“Good guys”…come on man. Just take a leap of faith and realize that in the end, the girl really want you. But wants you as a man, not a puppy.

 

“Bad boys”…well played. Well played indeed. But don’t worry, when you make your money, put on 50lb and are on your third marriage, you’ll be calling a “good guy” for life advice. You can keep your hot and shallow because the “good guys” will eventually end up with the attractive Asian.

 

 UPDATE: I’ve been getting a lot of questions about the “Asian” thing. No, I’m not racist, making stereotypes or anything like that. This is a theory, on which my friend enlightened me, who happens to be an Asian who is super cute and with whom I go dancing…hance, “attractive Asian dancer friend.”  All other misrepresentations I’ll let stand. Semi-serious satire always seems to stir the soup.

Posted on:

  • Ruby

    MEN NEED TO JUST ASK WOMEN OUT. WOMEN then have a right to say yes or no. It sucks that dating seems like rocket science but so many of my friends have gotten married that I’m not sure it’s as hard as I’ve made it out to be… AND THERE ARE MEN that use the good guy line to “score points” when in fact, they are the epitome of BAD GUY. What about those guys?? i’ve met so many shallow, jerkfaced, insensitive tools that use the “good guy” line and they are the pure definition of scumbags. PS- keep on writing. There are those of us that keep coming back for more. I hope you don’t mind when we push back on you a lil bit!

    • Zack Oates

      I love it. The more i’m corrected, the closer to correct i become.

  • ds7

    I’ve been thinking about the post. Obviously you intended it to be inflammatory, so I’m going to overlook some of the stereotypes (Asian?). But I couldn’t help but notice the girl’s perspective is still sort of overlooked in this scenario. Therefore, I would like to present possible scenario number 2:
    The girl grows up in western culture where she is continually bombarded with messages that tell her her only value as a person is in her sexuality/looks and as a result she has low self-worth and self-esteem. Though she really wants a good guy, she thinks she’s not worthy of him. The fact that good guys don’t approach her often is evidence for that in her mind. (She can’t tell the difference between worshiping her from afar and disinterest; all she can see is his standoffish behavior.) And therefore she goes with the bad boy, because she feels that he’s all she deserves anyway, and it’s at least a way for her to get a little attention and affection.

    • Zack Oates

      YEAH! nailed it…and thanks for noticing the “inflammatory” nature of this post. 😉 Sometimes, I guess there isn’t enough honey in the bowl of oates as the softer folks would like.

  • Lela

    It’s simple guys….women want a man full of dichotomy; he is good, stable, responsible, dependable but still fun, spontaneous, and passionate. I completely disagree that bad boys should be labeled as pretentious, nor good boys as timid. I know men that cross over both characteristics regardless of how “good” or “bad” they are. I have met some very good yet arrogant men and some bad, yet far from confident guys. Here is the secret; we don’t want to be bored. “Good guys” tend to be PREDICTABLE and BORING. That’s why we women will turn to a “bad boy” for fun, but then always ending up breaking up within a couple months (maximum). On the other hand, a boring guy won’t last more than one date.
    Ultimately, a combination of the two would be perfect….or maybe I’m dreaming.

    • Zack Oates

      YES! always good for a perfect summary, my dear.

    • D-Bry

      Ah, female entitlement. I love when women think they’re deserving of the perfect mixture of personalities and traits in a mate. No wonder “crazy cat man” isn’t a thing.

  • Megan Del Monte

    I am super impressed with this blog of yours, Oates. My friend posted this entry on Facebook and I’ve got half a mind to post it on all of the local YSA/MSA pages. It blew me away to see a guy with such insight. You, sir, are a rarity. These days, the bad boy front is a little old and worn out (thankfully), but there is an element of cluelessness in ‘nice guys’ that is really hard to get past. I wish they would put on their big boy pants and ask a girl out. The worst that can happen is she says no, and big deal if she does. Thank you for sharing.

    • Zack Oates

      Wow…well now you’ve got me blushing. Bless you for your nice words! Made my day.

  • Stacey

    This is true. I have been told throughout my life that some guy or other had been interested in me, and he never did a THING about it. And they usually showed no sign of it, either. On the other hand, I also was blessed with a high I.Q. which makes me turned off by the “bad boy” crap, so I don’t date them, either. Anyone doused in cologne or who thinks he’s charming might as well be wearing a garlic necklace.

  • Brenda Skychic Starr

    This is total BULLSHIT! When are people going to stop perpetuating the “Girls go for bad guys” MYTH? Emotionally damaged, insecure women go for sociopathic males. Secure, emotionally healthy women know that a “nice guy” is the best! A nice guy has self respect as well as respect for others. A “wimp” has no self respect, puts everyones / anyones needs ahead of his own.

    • MURAT AKA

      are you sure ? in fact , no young woman dates mr nice guy… just old women who has enough self esteem dates him. Because , it is time to make a child and she needs a nice father..

  • HowTrue

    Why on earth are there so many Loser women nowadays?

    • Zack Oates

      I wouldn’t say there are a lot of loser women as much as miscommunication on both parts!

  • KnowTheAnswer

    Well bad women will go with bad boys, a perfect match.

  • pleaseno

    If you think that two of the main factors that make women attracted to men are the man’s confidence and interest in them, you are sorely mistaken. Those are what keep women INTERESTED. Women aren’t looking for intense amounts of confidence shoved in our faces (kind of what this blog is doing).

  • Andrea Toro

    Zack, your humor stylish makes very nice the reading. Most of what you say is true, but applies in the other way too, I have always wondered why “the good awesome guys”, choose to stay with the bad girls, (and then they end in divorce, being cheated or not loved). I guess I can make my own conclusions from this post 😉 Keep on the good writings. Again, greetings from Chile.

    • Zack Oates

      Completely agree….great point! Thanks for reading and the comment!!

  • Prof Myst

    The fact is women like men that act like assholes. They are macho, drunk, and abusive. They perceive this as more male warrior behavior. So they marry them have kids, divorce them and marry some nerd who will take care of them and the kids. Then while the nerd is home taking care of the kids, they are out having affairs with the macho dudes.

    • Shark S.

      The fact is women like man that are good looking. As men like women who are beautiful. Good looking people can effort to be “assholes” (women and men alike). And that’s that.

  • Pingback: Girls Go for “Bad Boys” because “Good Guys” are Idiots - Eternal.Life()

  • Susan Barnes

    You sound like a relentessly, remorsessly evil person. People who support bullying are evil. But they never change and they bad guys to win and good guys to lose. That is sick./ Some women end up with wife beaters because they are attracted to violent evil men. Your article encourages more women to end up with wife beaters. You are sick and creepy.


Warning: file_put_contents(): Filename cannot be empty in /home/oatesdev/bowlofoates.com/wp-content/themes/oates/footer.php on line 49