So I have three new years resolution in 2014 having to do with my dating life…
The first is to not make out, unless I get married.
The second is to make out. 😉
The third needs some set-up (don’t we all).
Setting the stage: You have been crushing on this person for ages (or since the start of the semester a few weeks ago). You tell your roommates about them, you might even jot their name down in your journal so that you have something to show as proof to your grandkids in 50 years when you tell them that things ‘really were different when I met my sweetheart.’
Well, the other thing leads to the one and you finally find yourself on a date with them. The butterflies start to flutter as the time approaches. When the door opens though, you don’t really feel much…but you keep a positive attitude. The blink theory isn’t always right, after all.
You find out that you have so much in common and everything on paper works….except for the fact that you are thinking about what episode of Antiques Road Show you will watch that night on Netflix instead of being honestly engaged in conversation.
You just aren’t feeling it.
You get home and your roommates inevitably beg for details. With a shameless shrug and a sacrificial sigh, you reluctantly reveal your discovered disillusionment (4x2points).
“It just isn’t there.”
With a frustrated grunt, the tough love comes out (less because love is tough and more because they are upset that they were home one episode ahead of you on A.R.S. and you were on a date).
“What is wrong with you?” they say. “Why can’t you just like this person?”
Frustration mounts within you. And you tell yourself, ‘I am so stupid! Why can’t I just like this person?!’ And two months later of dating and spending hundreds of dollars, you finally admit that much to your brain’s dismay, your heart has, and always will, win.
End of (relationship) scene.
We try time and time again to date people who were perfect on paper, but who, in the end, we don’t actually want to date. But why? Why do we work so hard at falling in love? As I have said before, falling in love doesn’t take work, but staying in love does.
And still, I try to date girls I don’t love and I have had girls really try to date me when there wasn’t much there. I had one girl tell me that I was a “wet keg of gunpowder…everything is there that I want—but just no spark.”
So here is my third new years reLOVEution: I am not blaming myself for not loving someone and not taking offense when someone doesn’t love me.
(There is one caveat to this: that I keep open to love—because while I cannot choose whom I will love, I can choose to not love.)
So listen, don’t get down on yourself because your logic and emotion disagree, but be happy that you are not progressing down a big mistake. For love is the bridge that connects the widest chasm in the world: the 15-inch gap between the brain and the heart.