I’ve heard many reasons of why people are afraid of commitment and, to be honest, I’ve given even more.
But a commitment-phobia isn’t just founded on the fear of being hurt by someone or even the fear of hurting someone–it is founded on the fear of self reflection.
You see, the more you commit to someone, the more you open up to them, the less your walls are put up, and hence, the more “you” you become around them.
And all this amount to one scary fact: This means coming face to face with the person you’ve been trying to avoid.
The person who, when you saw them strutting over during an argument, you leave.
The person who, when you saw them steaming onto the court during basketball, you take a water break.
The person who, when you saw them gossiping about a friend during a text conversation, you put down your phone.
That person is the real, honest, genuine you.
Not the “you” you wish you were or think you can become or hope others perceive you as…but you just as you are.
Not that you aren’t great, but there are part of us we all want to…hide. The selfishness, the anger, the pride–the natural man.
But in a marriage there is nowhere to leave, take a break or put things down.
In our proverbial house of “self,” there is an orderly and tidy living room, a robust and glitzy entertainment room and (for me) a decedent and plethoric dining room (I like to imagine it being a Golden Corral on Friday night–seafood night (and yes, I DID google “plethora adjective” just fyi)). But with butterflying from person to person to never get too close, only happy posts on social media to never get too deep and mumbled whispers of anger to never seem too honest–it can be pretty easy to avoid the biggest room in our house: the room for improvement.
But not in marriage.
It has been said that marriage is the great magnifier.
There are no locked bedroom doors, no high junk drawers, and no selective household tours.
There is no vain mirror to cry fables of you being the fairest, for when you enter true commitment, you become introduced to the raw you, completely naked in honesty.
But it’s supposed to be this way.
“If men come unto me, I will show unto them their weakness” (Ether 12:27).
You cannot go back to God unless you are totally clean. Not mostly, or just about, or all the way except for that one thing that you don’t even admit to yourself–totally clean.
The only way you can get clean is to see what is dirty.
As you make the commitments to bring yourself close to God, you come closer to the Light of Christ which will illuminate every crevasse of your soul to enable you to see what it is that needs to be cleaned.
So fear not your greatest fear–for if you keep moving forward, keep cleaning and keep growing into commitment (to your friends, your family and your God), you eventually will have the light of Christ shine in your countenance and you will see Him as He is, for you will be like him (Moroni 7:48).