What I Thought I Would Feel on My Wedding Day but Didn’t

by | Dates. inspiration. Marriage. Relationship and Marriage Advice

 

scary dating

So…I’m married.

 

The scene that was the wedding day seemed to play out in a directed concoction of met and exceeded expectations.

 

The drive to the temple excitement, reception stress, hair problems, sheer happiness, craziness of actually getting married, tears of joy, laughter of a final dance, a humorously awkward drive to the hotel—they all appeared right on queue center stage during a perfect wedding day.

 

But there was one actor that did not play a part.

 

Not only was I surprised—but shocked.

 

I had him cast as a lead.

 

The villain’s name?

 

 

Fear.

 

 

It was an omission, which left a (former) singular audience of one giving a standing ovation.

 

But I was not alone in my pleasantly unmet expectation.

 

Who else was flabbergasted?

 

Oh, let’s say just about everyone who knows me.

 

See, the week after I got engaged my father called me for a chat.

“Son, you are going to have doubts and be afraid sometime between now and the wedding. You may want to run Just get through it. It will pass. You found yourself someone really special and everything will be okay.”

 

So I hunkered down in my seat and waited, with a fixed determination to outwit the frightened scoundrel.

 

And waited…

 

…and waited.

 

I knew it would come eventually. After all, my entire life I was accused of being someone who had a fear of commitment.

 

The inevitability of the fear from jumping into the biggest eternal commitment of my entire life (and eternity), was getting closer and closer.

 

It is simply a matter of time, I doubtlessly thought.

 

…but it never did.

 

It was as if I showed up to the battlefield ready for war and was met by a middle school theater class fieldtrip who offered to share their lunches with me.

 

Even moments before the ceremony, my trepidation for a surprise entrance was evident.

 

On the drive to the temple with Annie, I turned to her and asked, ‘How do you feel?’

‘Great!’

‘Me too…? Aren’t we supposed to feel—scared or something?’

‘Not when it’s right, I guess.’

 

Ah, and there it is.

 

Turns out, I wasn’t afraid of committing, but just committing to the wrong person.

 

A wedding day is the intermission of the eternal play that is our existence. It gives us a moment to just be completely present in between everything that has taken place from our pre-earth life, birth and life and everything that will take place from our death to forever after.

 

This is not to say that I wasn’t afraid of commitment at other times in my life or that cold feet is a foreboding omen, for everyone goes through their own wedding scene, but rather that sometimes,
“it” can be easy.

 

Yes, while I expect staying in love will be work, falling in love was easy. Some might even call it play.

 

So don’t fear if you feel fear—it might not be you, it might just be that you haven’t found them. (And a simple way to tell if it is you…pray to fall in love and see if you mean it.)

 

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  • Michael Wideman

    My experience was similar to yours. On the day of our sealing in the Provo Temple, I thought to myself, “You don’t have to go through with this.” It was not fear, just a casual conversation. But another voice said, “But why not? It’s right.” Kneeling across the altar from the most spiritual, intelligent, and loving person I have ever known was a sublime and divine experience. For me, the fear came later. Will I be the husband she needs and the father our children deserve. That was when I had to push faith to the front and say, “No, I will never be all they need. But I know that the Lord can make up the difference, and I will lean upon Him.”

  • gratefulmouse

    I wasn’t married in the church. or I was married in a catholic church and I was the bride. I was a mess because of all the hoopla of presenting the wedding…I think women have so much to take care of that the fear kind of isn’t present…my husband however was afraid. he even got sick just before the wedding and had to go in and get a shot and he even forgot to shave his face but since he is blonde or was at that time it didn’t show. a friend of his was with him at the back door of the church…and he kept saying….you don’t have to do this and if we get in my car the road to mexico is not far. we got married in texas. he told me this later after the wedding. he shook during the wedding and on the honeymoon. He said he did think about leaving but knew that everyone was waiting and that he loved me. I think the fear isn’t the wedding or the commitment…its the responsibility that comes with it. when men are single all they have to take care of is themselves or worry over and after marriage they are commited but now they have a new responsibility and then children as well. they have to work to care for their family. of course now a days women work so the responsibility for making money can be split between the two. however I believe that one should live within their means and the woman should remain at home and raise the children. someone has got to be at home.

  • Janet Q

    Ahhh, great post!


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