Maybe they’re out of your league.
Maybe you are scared of rejection.
…or maybe everyone just assumes you’re gay.
Whatever the reason, you’ve taken a perfectly good dating prospect and friend-zoned them. You put the quarantine signs of “Radioactively Unavailable” in your yard and no amount of milk shake is going to bring the boys (or girls) back.
I recently received an email from a young lady who has spent so long friend-zoning every eligible male around her that she cannot help but come to the realization that yes, indeed, the cats of singlehood are scraping at her door.
She, thinking that me having a blog on dating means I know anything about dating, asked me what she should do.
So I looked at the times in my life and my close friends’ lives when they have been able to get out of the friend zone and put together 4 steps to un-friend-zone someone. There are 2 STOP’s and 2 START’s.
- STOP talking about other relationships. I had a dear friend who was one of the most internally and externally attractive people on the face of this earth. We would always talk about each other’s interests until one day I told her that I was done talking about other relationships and thought that we should just have one ourselves. While it didn’t go over that well…at least I wasn’t wasting either of our times. Which brings me to my next point…
- STOP pretending you will stay friends. Look, in 5 years you and that (un)special someone will either be married or not talking. It is possible on rare occasions to have friends after marriage of former interests because there is always an exception, I can safely say—you’re not it.
- START believing you deserve more. You have to first believe that you CAN get them and deserve it. None of this self-pity. You deserve to be treated well and feel lucky.
- START showing interest. Flirt, get them to ask you out (girls) or ask them out (boys), put in a movie and cuddle…or just, ya know…kiss them. Seriously. It works super well (sometimes for some people).
Now if they still don’t respond, remember the golden rule, either they aren’t interested or they are too dumb for you to have kids with…and nobody needs that.
So this is your friendly reminder to start and stop putting down the walls and let them in…milk shakes optional.