Category: Love

A Love More than Poo – An Awkward Bathroom Dating Story

by ZackLove2 Comments on A Love More than Poo – An Awkward Bathroom Dating Story

Surprise poop A girl comes over last year and we are chatting.

 

She asks to use the restroom.

 

It is one of those loo’s that is RIGHT off the kitchen with a thin door.

 

Already kinda weird.

 

I turn on some music to give her privacy and tell her I need to do something upstairs. A few minutes later I hear a flush…then another…then a third. Now look, I’m mature and old enough to know that girls have “that time of the month” when they poop. I get it. I do.

 

But three flushes…

 

H’m.

 

So I come back down to check on everything and she is standing there looking kinda shifty and says, “So…this is kinda awkward…but there is no plunger in there.”

 

“Oh…” I tried to be as normal as possible.

 

A little jiggle of the handle and some non-romantic candles did the trick.

 

We fixed the problem and carried on.

 

Buuuuut, besides the fact that she asked me if I was going to blog about that, it brought some really interesting thoughts to my mind.

 

A good buddy gave me some great insight on love. He said that he is not looking for a girl who wants to run a business or is a supermodel or a pro at a cocktail party, but rather someone where there is lasting love–not the butterflies love, because that flutters for days then flies away. But the kind of love where when he is sick because he was up all night with a kid throwing up and she has the flu and is going out both ends and the teenage daughter has been grounded for weeks (much more painful for parents, I realize now)…that he could leave the house and kiss her on the forehead and know that the love is real.

long term relationship barbie poop

A real love transcends all of that because it is more than all of that.

 

Because I realize that sometimes life isn’t all the colors of the rainbow. Sometimes it can be crappy. But when the chips are down (I don’t really get that reference, but I am assuming it has to do with poker and I’m pretty sure I’m using it right #mormonproblems), and you are starting to feel a tinge of weltschmerz, you know that they’ve got your back…and sometimes literally.

 

I read a book from kids about what love is. And one little boy wrote, “Love is when my daddy has to wipe my mom’s butt after she goes to the bathroom because she broke both her arms.”

 

So that is the love I think we should look for or work to cultivate. Not the crap chute fairy tale love but a love more real.

 

A love more than the mundane of life.

 

A love more than the superficial.
Ah yes, even a love more than poo.

 

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3 Be’s to Better a Bad Break Up

by ZackBreak ups / Love / Single4 Comments on 3 Be’s to Better a Bad Break Up

Taylor swift break up

It was a dark cold time in my life. Months earlier, I had fallen completely in love and told everyone about it. I just knew that we would get married and she would be with me in 50 years, hand-in-hand on our porch rocking chair speaking at a family reunion telling of our fairytale love…it was so clear in my mind, that I just knew it would work out.

 

…well, it didn’t.

 

She dumped me.

 

And I was heartbroken.

 

I spent the next three months waking up every morning and staring at the ceiling for hours thinking, ‘If i just lay here long enough, I wonder if I could die so I don’t have to face today.’

 

bride in the ocean

It was hard because I feel like love is this island that is off the safe shores of casual dating. We start to get into the water with dating more seriously and then at some point, our feet leave the ocean floor and we just give ourselves to the possibility of reaching that island. But for me, when I felt like the island was just in reach, a mill stone was placed around my neck and I started drowning. When I finally dragged myself back to the shore, I ran from the water and never wanted to go back. It took three years to be willing to even dip my toes into that water again.

 

But let me tell you what I learned when I came out of those three years:

 

I am worth being loved and I deserve to love.

 

Some of you may have lost love, some may have never found it and others may be in a relationship as that love is slipping away–to all of you, I promise that love is real, love is out there and love is for you. Do not fear, for fear will drag you down. Realize that the pain is a cross you must bear for a short while, but you will breathe again….I super pinky promise. If you think I’m wrong, let’s go out to frozen yogurt and you can just vent to me.

drowning cross love

You must take the risk for love, though. Keep putting yourself out there and ask out one more girl. Write a really sweet note (NOT CREEPY) to that one person you’ve always had a crush on. I’ve usually found that they will reciprocate, even if it is to let you know that they don’t think of you that way so you can move on.

 

So here they are…3 Be’s to Better a Bad Break Up:

1. Be sad.

Seriously. It is oooooookay to feel bad and sad and mad and not glad. Just don’t stay there.

2. Be yourself.

We can always improve, but don’t do it on account of getting back at the other person or trying to make yourself available to the other person. Just do you.

3. Be open to the possibility of love again.

I know it won’t be right away, but pray every day to have your heart open to the possibility of love and be willing to dip your toes in the water again if the chance comes along.

 

I know it isn’t easy, but I promise the trepidation of trying is mitigated only by realizing that you’ve survived the worst. And once that is behind you, well, then the good stuff comes.

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The Single Sexiest Attribute

by ZackLove1 Comment on The Single Sexiest Attribute

Attractive man

What is the sexiest attribute to you in men or women?

 

In my previous post I talked about HOW the attractiveness needle is “usually” set for men–but, for me, there is ONE singular attribute that takes the wedding cake on sexiness.

 

A while ago I made a list of all the women I wanted to marry (14 at last count), and there was only attribute that they all had in common.

 

Not having this mannerism makes models melt into monsters; and having this attribute allows average Ally’s to ascend to AMAZINGLY attractive!

 

To me, there is no more important attribute for a human to possess and there is nothing I admire more than one who exhibits this attribute with a gentle ease flowing from a natural inclusion into one’s nature.

 

This attribute isn’t hotness, spirituality, ambition, passion, cleverness, brilliance, skinniness…

 

It is authentic kindness.

 

Authentic kindness to me is defined by how a person treats someone who can do nothing for them.

 

Yeah.

kill with kindness

 

Seriously.

 

That is it.

 

Authentic kindness.

 

I asked my grandpa recently about why him and my grandma, who passed a few years ago, had such an amazing marriage. Without hesitation, other than to hold back some soft tears, he said, “It was your grandmother’s kindness. When we would argue, she was so quick to forgive and so kind to me. That is what held our marriage together and made me a better person.”

Nothing is sexier than kindness

 

There is nothing that could make a better wife, mother or human being than authentic kindness. Nobody wants to marry a hot troll…at least nobody that deserves anything more. But a true catch is a cute girl who is also kind.

 

I have a friend who is very pretty. Then one day she became incredibly beautiful. I saw her talking to a very anti-social rude person at a party and I was going to go over and “save” her, but realized that she was there by choice. She spent the whole party at this person’s side to make sure that they were having a good time and felt included. This person was not someone that she ever would have dated, but she never once broke eye contact to see if people were watching her. She just genuinely is a kind person who cared about this child of God.

 

Kindness is not concerned about what they get out of the interaction.

Kindness is optimistic and positive with the thoughts and dreams of others.

“Kindness is how a Christlike person treats others” (Joseph B Wirthlin, “The Virtue of Kindness”)

“Kindness [is] the most persuasive argument for that which we believe” (Gordon B Hinckley, “We Bear Witness of Him”)

And yeah, kindness is sexy.

 

 

So girls, toss the shorter skirts and lower shirts, quit those late night snapchats and forget about being seen at ‘that’ party…just know that everything kinda, works out.

 

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Axe of Kindness

*Thanks to @zandersays for adding the clarifying word of “authentic.” Very very true, kindness could be ill-conceived and self-motivated.

 

Two Reasons We DON’T Want to Fall in Love

by ZackLove / Single1 Comment on Two Reasons We DON’T Want to Fall in Love
Sexy blog post
This is my sexy post….see what I did there?

I have had a few people ask me, ‘Why no valentines day post?’

 

Well a few months ago I was interviewed by an awesome guy about my love life (He is the guy doing Six Till Engaged…check out his project on fbook). And I came to the conclusion that…perhaps, I was not actually looking for love.

 

Oh sure, I was going on dates, treating girls well, talking about crushes with my roommates, gathering up blogging material…but when it came down to it, I don’t think there was a real need for love in my life.

 

I see two reasons why people wouldn’t want to fall in love:

1. Don’t want to be hurt

2. Don’t want to be disturbed

 

I remember after going through a tough period of emotional pain, I shut people out. I wouldn’t let anyone in who wasn’t already there. ‘Can’t come in, but welcome to leave’ mentality (REEEEEeeal healthy). If this is you…go see a therapist. Seriously. I think everyone should. I can refer you to the one I saw if you need a good rec.

 

Now if you don’t want to be disturbed–if you are having too much fun being single….then I know of a few really fun vacations we need to go on this summer. …wait sorry, I’m recovering….no. No, if that is you, then you are in an elite club of selfish sissies. Welcome. Let me tell you about some of the benefits of the club. You get to live your life free from worries of another frustration and heart ache. You get all the amenities you would like. Your money is spent by only you. You can eat whatever and whenever you want. You are your own master. It feels great.

 

Some things to keep in mind though: no one cares when you leave or if you come back.

 

I recently went on a bunch of business trips with my married friends. It was interesting to see them get called a few times a day and texted asking when they were getting home. I never got one. Now I’m not being pouty, but I just stating how it was.

 

So I started thinking, ‘How great would that be to have someone care where I was and when I got home? How great would it be to miss someone and care where they are?’

 

And that was my turning point.

 

So now, two years after my application to The Mormon Bachelor and a week after vday, I want to feel love again.

 

My sole desire to be loved has overcome my love of being solo and desirable.

 

I hope yours has too.

 

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“What is Wrong with You?” Love.

by ZackLove13 Comments on “What is Wrong with You?” Love.
cupid killing
Cupid doesn’t always have the best shot.

So I have three new years resolution in 2014 having to do with my dating life…

 

The first is to not make out, unless I get married.

 

The second is to make out. 😉

 

The third needs some set-up (don’t we all).

 

Setting the stage:  You have been crushing on this person for ages (or since the start of the semester a few weeks ago). You tell your roommates about them, you might even jot their name down in your journal so that you have something to show as proof to your grandkids in 50 years when you tell them that things ‘really were different when I met my sweetheart.’

 

Well, the other thing leads to the one and you finally find yourself on a date with them. The butterflies start to flutter as the time approaches. When the door opens though, you don’t really feel much…but you keep a positive attitude. The blink theory isn’t always right, after all.

 

You find out that you have so much in common and everything on paper works….except for the fact that you are thinking about what episode of Antiques Road Show you will watch that night on Netflix instead of being honestly engaged in conversation.

 

You just aren’t feeling it.

 

You get home and your roommates inevitably beg for details. With a shameless shrug and a sacrificial sigh, you reluctantly reveal your discovered disillusionment (4x2points).

 

“It just isn’t there.”

 

With a frustrated grunt, the tough love comes out (less because love is tough and more because they are upset that they were home one episode ahead of you on A.R.S. and you were on a date).

 

“What is wrong with you?” they say. “Why can’t you just like this person?”

 

Frustration mounts within you. And you tell yourself, ‘I am so stupid! Why can’t I just like this person?!’ And two months later of dating and spending hundreds of dollars, you finally admit that much to your brain’s dismay, your heart has, and always will, win.

 

End of (relationship) scene.

 

We try time and time again to date people who were perfect on paper, but who, in the end, we don’t actually want to date. But why? Why do we work so hard at falling in love? As I have said before, falling in love doesn’t take work, but staying in love does.

 

i want you to kiss me And still, I try to date girls I don’t love and I have had girls really try to date me when there wasn’t much there. I had one girl tell me that I was a “wet keg of gunpowder…everything is there that I want—but just no spark.”

So here is my third new years reLOVEution: I am not blaming myself for not loving someone and not taking offense when someone doesn’t love me.

 

(There is one caveat to this: that I keep open to love—because while I cannot choose whom I will love, I can choose to not love.)

 

So listen, don’t get down on yourself because your logic and emotion disagree, but be happy that you are not progressing down a big mistake. For love is the bridge that connects the widest chasm in the world: the 15-inch gap between the brain and the heart.

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