Category: Single

3 Be’s to Better a Bad Break Up

by ZackBreak ups / Love / Single4 Comments on 3 Be’s to Better a Bad Break Up

Taylor swift break up

It was a dark cold time in my life. Months earlier, I had fallen completely in love and told everyone about it. I just knew that we would get married and she would be with me in 50 years, hand-in-hand on our porch rocking chair speaking at a family reunion telling of our fairytale love…it was so clear in my mind, that I just knew it would work out.

 

…well, it didn’t.

 

She dumped me.

 

And I was heartbroken.

 

I spent the next three months waking up every morning and staring at the ceiling for hours thinking, ‘If i just lay here long enough, I wonder if I could die so I don’t have to face today.’

 

bride in the ocean

It was hard because I feel like love is this island that is off the safe shores of casual dating. We start to get into the water with dating more seriously and then at some point, our feet leave the ocean floor and we just give ourselves to the possibility of reaching that island. But for me, when I felt like the island was just in reach, a mill stone was placed around my neck and I started drowning. When I finally dragged myself back to the shore, I ran from the water and never wanted to go back. It took three years to be willing to even dip my toes into that water again.

 

But let me tell you what I learned when I came out of those three years:

 

I am worth being loved and I deserve to love.

 

Some of you may have lost love, some may have never found it and others may be in a relationship as that love is slipping away–to all of you, I promise that love is real, love is out there and love is for you. Do not fear, for fear will drag you down. Realize that the pain is a cross you must bear for a short while, but you will breathe again….I super pinky promise. If you think I’m wrong, let’s go out to frozen yogurt and you can just vent to me.

drowning cross love

You must take the risk for love, though. Keep putting yourself out there and ask out one more girl. Write a really sweet note (NOT CREEPY) to that one person you’ve always had a crush on. I’ve usually found that they will reciprocate, even if it is to let you know that they don’t think of you that way so you can move on.

 

So here they are…3 Be’s to Better a Bad Break Up:

1. Be sad.

Seriously. It is oooooookay to feel bad and sad and mad and not glad. Just don’t stay there.

2. Be yourself.

We can always improve, but don’t do it on account of getting back at the other person or trying to make yourself available to the other person. Just do you.

3. Be open to the possibility of love again.

I know it won’t be right away, but pray every day to have your heart open to the possibility of love and be willing to dip your toes in the water again if the chance comes along.

 

I know it isn’t easy, but I promise the trepidation of trying is mitigated only by realizing that you’ve survived the worst. And once that is behind you, well, then the good stuff comes.

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Two Reasons We DON’T Want to Fall in Love

by ZackLove / Single1 Comment on Two Reasons We DON’T Want to Fall in Love
Sexy blog post
This is my sexy post….see what I did there?

I have had a few people ask me, ‘Why no valentines day post?’

 

Well a few months ago I was interviewed by an awesome guy about my love life (He is the guy doing Six Till Engaged…check out his project on fbook). And I came to the conclusion that…perhaps, I was not actually looking for love.

 

Oh sure, I was going on dates, treating girls well, talking about crushes with my roommates, gathering up blogging material…but when it came down to it, I don’t think there was a real need for love in my life.

 

I see two reasons why people wouldn’t want to fall in love:

1. Don’t want to be hurt

2. Don’t want to be disturbed

 

I remember after going through a tough period of emotional pain, I shut people out. I wouldn’t let anyone in who wasn’t already there. ‘Can’t come in, but welcome to leave’ mentality (REEEEEeeal healthy). If this is you…go see a therapist. Seriously. I think everyone should. I can refer you to the one I saw if you need a good rec.

 

Now if you don’t want to be disturbed–if you are having too much fun being single….then I know of a few really fun vacations we need to go on this summer. …wait sorry, I’m recovering….no. No, if that is you, then you are in an elite club of selfish sissies. Welcome. Let me tell you about some of the benefits of the club. You get to live your life free from worries of another frustration and heart ache. You get all the amenities you would like. Your money is spent by only you. You can eat whatever and whenever you want. You are your own master. It feels great.

 

Some things to keep in mind though: no one cares when you leave or if you come back.

 

I recently went on a bunch of business trips with my married friends. It was interesting to see them get called a few times a day and texted asking when they were getting home. I never got one. Now I’m not being pouty, but I just stating how it was.

 

So I started thinking, ‘How great would that be to have someone care where I was and when I got home? How great would it be to miss someone and care where they are?’

 

And that was my turning point.

 

So now, two years after my application to The Mormon Bachelor and a week after vday, I want to feel love again.

 

My sole desire to be loved has overcome my love of being solo and desirable.

 

I hope yours has too.

 

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The Paradox of Choice Daughter of God

by ZackSingle1 Comment on The Paradox of Choice Daughter of God
1497582785_e45a5e8575
Choices. Not all they crocked up to be.

 

I had it made. She was beautiful, kind, spiritual, intelligent–classy but not fake, open but not bossy, healthy but let me have Doritos. She was everything I could have possibly wanted…oh yeah, and she was crazy about me. So what more could I have wanted?

dating cow bell

 

“What more do I want?”

 

 

That is the question yielding the prevention of the intervention of history’s Pochontas’s and the executions of the John Smiths. It is the question that has led to regrets of the Nicolas Sparks-esque real life stories that almost were. And yes, it is the question that prevented me from going after that perfect girl.

 

Why are our heads on a perpetual swivel at parties? Why do we date five people at a time looking for that sixth girl who will change our world? Why are we so obsessed with finding the next…best…thing?

 

For me, it has been the paradox of choice daughters of God.

 

I have dated some incredible girls. Girls that are the best at singing, dancing, parties, humor, kindness, kissing…and (…okay, I’m too distracted now…) and other qualities. So when I’m dating one girl and she might not be the best at everything, I know that I can find something better. But here’s the issue: there is always better, it is because there is always worse.

 

Paradox of dating choice
There are so many choice girls, that it is hard to make a choice.

 

When I realized this for the first time, it was about 10 months after I told the aforementioned girl that we shouldn’t date. It was Christmas time, I was looking at all the family around me and realized now amazing that girl was and how I wanted to be with her. So I called her. I wasn’t going to let my fear sacrifice this opportunity!


Ring. Ring. Ring… She answered. First good sign. (and the last one of that day…)

That'll leave a bad taste in your mouth.
That’ll leave a bad taste in your mouth.
“Hello…?”
“Hey there stranger! [insert small talk] Sooooo…I was calling to say sorry. I am just so stupid and I think you are so amazing and perfect and I was thinking about how there is nothing more I could possibly want than you. I don’t want to date other people. I will do what I need to do to prove to you that I am being sincere. I will fly out to you, I will make time for you every day, I will quit Doritos….”
“Zack…”
Silence.
“It has been a while…” she said with a sigh.
“I know, but–“
“I’m engaged.”
The sacrificial knife that my proverbial fear was wielding slipped, missed the opportunity and just stuck me in the heart.
“I completely understand.”

 

So where is the cure? How do you feed the more monster?

 

Very simple. (…in theory.)

 

Instead of focusing on making the right choice, focus on being the right choice.
Instead of asking “what more do I want?”, ask “what more can I become?”
Instead of looking for something to get, look for something to give.

 

So lose yourself in charity or lose your chance at love.

 

Now I admit that there is better advice and I’m sure there is more out there, but for now…I’ll stick with that.


7 Reasons We’re Single

by ZackSingle6 Comments on 7 Reasons We’re Single

yes I am single

For every one time asks me why I’m single, I probably ask myself the same question another 70×7 times.

 

I figured a lot of you also ask yourselves, “Why am I single…?”

 

The ellipsis preceding that question mark could go on for miles.

 

The countless hours on dates, the endless time talking about the dates, the scheming on how to get more dates, the frustration when I couldn’t get the date, the anger when I didn’t want to go on the date for no good reason…it is consuming at times. And for people that are overly-analytical, it can be overwhelming.

 

So I’ve put this list together, but what do you think? Did I miss something?

 

why i am single7 Reasons why you are single:

 

1. You have a deep dark secret and God is protecting an unassuming potential spouse

Sorry man…just stop being bad and good things happen. Oh, and if you aren’t single, don’t just assume this is the reason. I have plenty of good friends in their late 20’s and 30’s who are single, good looking, fun, spiritual and do NOT have a porn problem and are not closet gays.

2. You are having too much fun being single and are too scared to break up with your single life

She is a tough one to leave behind sometimes.

3. You always are looking for the next best thing

#beautifulpeopleproblems

4. You are having trouble opening up emotionally

Listen, just take it one day at a time. Don’t blame yourself and you will be fine. Promise. Watch the video below to help you through.

5. You are ugly on the inside

Get a personality mirror. Good indicator? How many people ask you for rides to the airport NOT out of desperation? If you get asked a lot, then you are wonderful, if not, then…well, you might have a problem.

6. You are too busy

Make scheduled times to meet people. And oh…calm down.

7. You just haven’t met the right person

Sigh…

 

So for you category 7-ers, the do-gooders, the done-with-funers, the upside on the inside(rs), the regular schedulers…you who are looking but have not yet found, or found but lost—you are not alone.

single cat
We are told so much advice to try to help: don’t settle, but settle down. Don’t think too much, but consider options deeply. Don’t lead people on, but give them a chance. Don’t jump in too quickly, but jump on that! Look on the inside, but find someone you think is hot.

 

Well I say–let us be. We’ve had the pep talk, now, we need to do the prep walk. (preparing to walk down the isle) It isn’t that we have some deep dark secret, but rather that we simply haven’t found someone we love at the same time that they love us.