Did God Dump You?

by ZackOctober 19, 2014October 28, 2014Break ups / Love10 Comments

You take your significant other on a journey to visit a very wise man—the wisest man in the world. Not only is he wise, but he happens to know both your and your interest.

You traverse the mountain until you arrive at his door and tell your (boy/girl)friend to wait outside. They sit down and begin to anxiously bite their nails.

You go into the wise man and say, “I have come to ask a question.”

“Proceed,” comes his response.

“Well, I was wondering if this person and I should get married. I’ll do whatever you say.”

Now stop…and think.

What do you think this wise man would tell you? If he tells you yes or no, then you can blame him for the answer and everything that is a result of that would be his fault. You are off scot free. Wouldn’t that be nice?

But see, he is a wise man.

So instead he says, “What do you think?”

“Well…” you stammer, “they are nice and kind and super awesome, but I just don’t really want to marry them.”

“H’m. Interesting.” The wise man rubs his long beard. “That sounds about right.”

“Oh thank you so so so much!” You run out with a burst of relief.

Your boo is waiting with bated breath. “And…?!”

“I’m sorry, the wise man said that we can’t get married.”

* * *

I posted to Facebook asking your opinions and out of the 230 interactions from comments and likes, 91% of you agree with that story above.

211 interactions made mention that blaming God for a breakup is “bogus” a “copout” or “a crock of crazy Mormon horse [etc]” and “letting God do your dirty work.”

19 interactions said “in rare cases” “it can happen.”

Whatever you feel, I can say that this is a personal topic.

…especially for me.

God has dumped me through three girls.

Three.

And frankly, I’m a little tired of it.

I have heard many times the sentiment, ‘It is a big decision, so OF COURSE God cares so He will give revelation.”

That is assuming that if God cares, He will give direct answers.

When I wondered if I should go to BYU or not for my undergrad, I got nothing.
When I pondered about starting a company, I got nothing.
When I prayed about going to get my MBA or PhD, I got nothing.
When I plead for an answer about taking one internship or another, I got nothing.

I got nothing because God was trying to give me something more important than an answer—an opportunity to use my agency.

I thought it out, made a decision, prayed and then just went forward. And I made the right decision because I made my decision. Does not God care about the righteous desires of our heart?

So why do so many people blame God for break ups? Because revelation and obedience is engrained in us. And that is wonderful! But, when we focus so much on revelation that we forget about agency, then we are following some one else’s plan entirely.

Now, I do believe that God will intervene in some rare circumstances, but even in those cases, it is cowardly and cheap to blame it on Him. Take responsibility. It is not “God made me do this,” but rather, “I don’t feel good about this.”

I believe that God respects our agency and so should we.

What good does it do to tell someone that God broke up with them?

Nothing.

So yes, date, pray, decide and get an answer, but then, in the end, if the Lord has a contrary opinion, don’t make yourself a martyr and the other a sacrificial lamb. For in the end, aren’t we all commanded to “be wise” ourselves?

Now…a message to all those whom God “dumped”:

Don’t worry.

God is not talking bad about you behind your back.

If you are in good standing with Him, then don’t let another’s “revelation” dictate your relationship with Him.

No matter the excuse, if they don’t want to be with you, they don’t want to be with you and hence, you can do better. Be grateful they made the choice before you eventually had to.

What I Saw in the Mirror Shocked Me

by ZackOctober 13, 2014inspiration2 Comments

The other day I put my nose against a mirror.

I know…odd.

But I wanted to see what I could see from there.

You know what I saw?

One big blurry eye (I)—and everything very clearly behind me.

I couldn’t help but notice how much was around me, actually. I saw my roommate’s messy half of the closet, his unmade bed and someone’s trash BY, not in, the trashcan (pet peeve). I mean, things I had never seen before getting that close to the mirror.

I truly gained a new perspective once I took myself out of focus.

Then I took a step back…

I saw that my desk was cluttered, my bag thrown on the floor and MY trash sitting by the bin.

I saw the truth.

It was me.

I realized in a society where the selfie is kept so close to our faces, that gaining vision to see beyond our noses is like looking into a mirror. My faults become blurry and everyone else’s imperfections seem so clear.

And I do this a lot.

I can be ashamed of my frustrations with other’s shortcomings when the bar I set for myself is so often out of reach.

I may want to hide form the dating advice I so readily give but never take.

I at times feel embarrassed by my public preaching of perfection while endeavoring to conceal clandestine clashes with my conscience.

BUT I don’t think that harboring these negative emotions and thoughts is helpful or healthy.

No, I think there must be a better way.

A wise man and one of the leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Ladder-day saints said, “We must put aside our pride, see beyond our vanity, and in humility ask, ‘Lord, is it I?’” (read the whole talk here)

Someone told me that their friend was tired of their mother ragging on her for not being married and so she gave her my post about people not giving singles such a hard time. She had hoped her mother would get the hint.

Her mother called her the next day and said, “Honey, loved that post! You should go out with that nice Oates boy!”

#wrongpoint

#butflattered (…#andsingle)

Are we getting the right point?

I am grateful for a chance to take a step back from the mirrors of pride, from time to time, and realize that while I’m not perfect, I can get on my knees every night to the Lord in prayer. And when I ask Him, as the apostles of old, “Lord, is it I?”—

His response is usually, “Thought you’d never ask.”

It is in those moments that the bothersome background blurs to banal and the perennial present progresses to prosperous.

It is in these moments that I can see that the path to perfection is paved with personal correction.

It is in these moments that the Lord is smiling to know that, at least for a little bit, I can see clearly enough to listen.

Is it I that needs to change my dating habits?

Is it I that needs to be clean more?

Is it I that needs to study the scriptures more?

I hope that I will read this post from time to time to help remind me to ask the Lord this selfishly selfless question.

As for you…well, I couldn’t say.

Divorce Does NOT Define You in Dating

by ZackOctober 6, 2014July 19, 2015Dates3 Comments

Jordan Moss and her opinion on Divorced Dating…

—guest post—

You CAN’T write a post about dating, divorce and Mormons and expect me not to say anything… so here’s my two cents. For one thing, I was suuuuper scared about the stigma of being “divorced.” I never thought that would be a word I would use to define myself and it was a really hard adjustment. (Sidenote- I’ve also learned that ‘divorced’ isn’t something that defines me. It’s not who I am, just something I’ve been through!)

I’ve said it a hundred times, but I felt like every time I met someone new it would be all “Hi, I’mJordanI’mdivorcedandIhaveakid. Still want to talk? No? Ok.” Basically I felt like I had a giant label on my forehead, buuuut, the more time passed and the more positive reactions I got the easier it became. I know who I am and I’m confident in the choices I made that got me here, and I’m not embarrassed to talk about it with someone who understandably has questions. I wish I had been less apprehensive about it from the get-go, but it was a learning experience for sure. And, I was pleasantly surprised that everyone has been super cool about it, including guys.

Which brings me to my second thought. Before I was divorced with a kid I honestly don’t know if I would have given a divorced father a chance. I’ll admit that the ‘father’ part is still hard- as hypocritical as it might sound, that now means blending a family for me which is a whole other ball game and I still just don’t feel like that’s the ideal for me. But who knows? The point is, I try to be much more open-minded, and I also totally get it if a guy isn’t down to date me because of it. I’m (we’re) a lot of responsibility, which isn’t the “cool” thing in Provo these days 😉 but seriously I know it will take a certain kind of person to be willing and happy to take that on and I completely get that. Maybe sometimes relationships fizzle because of it, but it all boils back down to that ‘certain kind of person’ and so in the end it doesn’t really matter why, nor does it reflect on my self-worth.
If I was giving someone else advice it would be that despite what you might think/feel, you are NOT the only young LDS divorced person to ever exist. It might feel like nobody has been through it before you, but it’s surprising how many people you’ll meet that have, and it’s sort of like an exclusive club that nobody wants to join but then we all sort of agree to be friends and it’s kind of cool in the end. 🙂

The 7 D’s of Dating Direction Despite Divorce

by ZackOctober 5, 2014Break ups / Dates3 Comments

“Hey, so I don’t mean for this to be awkward, but can I ask you a personal question?”

I had found out the night that we met that she had been married, but in talking with a mutual friend, I wasn’t sure if she was actually divorced yet. What added to the slight awkwardness of this phone call was that I was supposed to pick her up for our date…in an hour.

“Sure!” She bounced back.

“So are you actually divorced or just separated?”

“Oh…[stammer]…well I called the court today and the papers are in the mail. [silence] So as of this morning I’m divorced!”

“Cool…”

I googled it. There is no website for what to do on a date with a girl that was hours divorced.

So we went to a restaurant…

Where she cried about her ex. (understandably)

I recommended some great therapists.

Our second date was postponed…indefinitely.

I am getting to the stage in life where if someone my age hasn’t been divorced–or at least a broken engagement–it is almost a red flag. *ALMOST* (I can already see the angry commenters for that one.)

But how do you get back into dating after a divorce, or just even a serious breakup? How do you actually put yourself out there again after going through one of the most awful experiences of your life?

Granted, I’ve never been divorced, so I had one of my good friends who is a divorced single mom help me out with this list.

Don’t Rush. Time is base on heart, not calendar. Don’t say that you will date in 2 months or 2 years…just pray every day to be ready to date and then give yourself the time you need.
Dress Well! Work from the outside in. The first thing she did was go out shopping with one of the straight gay best friends and got all new clothes. She had been reduced to “mom jeans” (in her words) and that just did not show of her curvy personality well enough. Don’t go all true religion on your closet, but still try.
Date with ZERO Expectations. You just had your heart broken, give yourself a breath and don’t try to think if this is your new baby’s daddy. Just enjoy the ride.
Don’t Disqualify. Beware the ‘I hate guys/girls’-syndrome. Know that not everyone is your ex. Give people a chance and realize the dangers in dating those not of your faith if you are looking to have an LDS-centric life.
Deserve Love. Be CONFIDENT! You are beautiful, handsome and wonderful and deserve to fall in love…yes, even again.
Destroy Discouragement. Realize it ain’t easy! It’s okay to be hurt and know that things aren’t going to always work out, but in the end they will.
Date! Yeah…actually do it. Get your kids a babysitter, stop making excuses and date. Ladies, flirt. Gentlemen, ask.

But what do you think?

If you have been divorced, what advice would you give? And what advice would you have to people trying to date you?

If you have dated someone that is divorced, what is the best way you’ve found to approach the topic?

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5 Steps to Get a SUPER Hot Girl and Not be the “Big Smile” Guy

by ZackSeptember 29, 2014Guest Post / Single1 Comment

GUEST POST from my good friend who happens to not be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and reside of Beverly Hills. His opinion on dating was so enriching, funny and interesting, I couldn’t help but share.

Enter average guy. So, you’re in the grocery store with a hand basket full of food and the lean cuisine© meals are piled on the top for the world to see (they are on sale for 5 for $10 today and a staple of many a bachelor’s diet…obvi) …and then that a smoking hot girl walks down the same aisle and she has some almond milk, a piece of fruit, and some kale in her basket…what do you do?

Also, also what is going on here? A lot.

First of all this would never happen because these girls only shop for their kale at Whole Foods and they don’t sell lean cuisine’s© there…so that was the first mental exercise…which you failed…try to do better on this next part..mkayyy?!

So, second, let’s focus on the fact that you offered her up a really huge smile as she walked by you even though your earbuds were in and you were frowning for the other 90% of the time that you were walking toward her in the aisle…sound familiar? Why did you do that? What do you think she thinks when you smiled at her real big for no reason? She KNOWS that you want to make out with her right next to those Cheerios© boxes because every guy everywhere since she was 10 years old has smiled at her and tried to be nice to her hoping that that will make her like him. Do you really think that if you do the same thing as everyone else around her (randomly smile BIG) that you will finally win the lottery and she will notice you and want to marry you and believe that you are the superior male that she should then mate with?? You know, by age 25, the hot girls catch on to what you are doing are why you are smiling at them…I promise you they do. I can also tell you that she is very proud of her body to be wearing that provocative outfit right now and that it will (luckily for her) serve as a deterrent for 99% of guys who are too intimidated to speak to her and saver her some hassles (she thinks)…so she wears it to weed out all the would-be average suitors with low confidence…

But you are different (because you read this post)! ALSO, unfortunately for you, she very aware that you have a pile of lean cuisine’s© in your basket that even the nicest smile cannot undo. So what do you do, bearing in mind that SHE KNOWS SHE IS HOT AND IS USED TO BEING TREATED SPECIAL AND WANTS THAT POSITIVE REINFOREMENT THAT SHE IS SPECIAL? Well, for starters, don’t let her know it! If you deny her your goofy smile, she may just seek validation of her hotness…from YOU…if you play your cards right!

So, assuming you are able to successfully navigate a #meetCute, possibly by sarcastically (and with a straight face) telling her that “she got the wrong dressing for her Kale (referring to her milk)…”, here are some 5 tips on the type of thing to do next that could pique her interest:

Leave her presence as soon as possible after you get her number. Literally, if you are at a party, leave immediately and go somewhere else. Don’t hang around and try to talk to her. The probability that you will say something stupid and ruin everything is very high.

Call her a few days later and pretend to be extremely busy. Keep the conversation under 1 minute 30 seconds. Make a joke. Have a plan in mind. Tell her you have to go. Hang up.

Text her 2 days before and tell her you have a charity event you have to go to that night, and that you need to reschedule for next week. Don’t text her back for several hours. Don’t use emoticons.

3.5. Cancel on her again if you have the guts.

Tell her where and when to meet you in a text a few days later. Try to pick someplace that takes her out of her element. i.e. if she takes herself really seriously, maybe try a comedy show… or if she is a hipster…take her someplace fancy…or if you are into the cougars maybe to a hip concert….

Try to coordinate something for a date that will create a memory and also make her feel like she is not in control of the situation (since, as a hot girl, she is used to “calling the shots”).

These types of dating tactics get her thinking things like:

“He was really funny…oh, wait…where did he go?” I miss him already. I wonder if I can find him on Facebook©. (P.S. don’t add her on Facebook or confirm her request)
“What? He’s too busy to talk to me? I wonder what he’s doing that’s more important than talking to me? Every guys since I was 10 years old wants to talk to me all the time be because I’m so hot and the world revolves around me.”
“He cancelled on ME? Wait…what? I’m the only one that gets to flake out…how dare he beat me to the punch at my own game!”
“OMG, philanthropy?! Maybe he will make a good father, he must be kind-hearted” (for emphasis, please imagine them thinking this in a high pitched Barbie© voice. K thx!). While texting this, please feel free to enjoy an evening of pizza and Netflix©.
“Wow, I don’t usually do this stuff very often. Hmm..this guys is interesting and maybe he is different than all the other “Big Smile” guys!

Note about the Guest:

For me, I’m a child of a second marriage. So my father is 50 years older than me and I feel more pressure then most peers to be responsible as a young professional adult and start a family earlier- like in the good ‘ol days. And even though what I would really like to do is have a nice time with a nice girl like the LDS dating world you are involved in– the truth in major metro cities is that a successful guy needs to play these dating games just to get an opportunity to have that type relationship with a super hot successful woman. They expect some sort of game play – and they have developed a man-filter system- and game play is it (also if you are ugly, it’s tough too — if so, try to make a lot of money). Truth is if you are not able to deliver some mystery or something unusual to her that disrupts her normal routine of life then you are not giving her any reason to distinguish you from the 100 guys that look her up in appropriately on the streets each day or hit on her at bars or at work or anywhere she goes. Why you?

Women want to be challenged.

GUEST POST: A Woman’s Perspective on “Hanging out”–NO!

by ZackSeptember 21, 2014September 22, 2014Dates / Guest Post4 Comments

[Zack’s notes: Okay, so this is what happens when an ex gets ahold of a post and is upset about it. And while I was NOT saying REPLACE hanging out with dating, but rather, make sure you are doing a healthy dose of both–I think Holly has some great points here! So, with a spoonful of my salt, here is her guest post:]

no hanging out

Why are the Women you want to date fed-up with the hang-ups of hanging out? We’ll tell you why!

This post is written by Holly Lyons with co-author Lily Carlson, for much added validity.

First, a necessary confession/concession: One of my best relationships blossomed after 2 years of friendship. We kissed one time while casually watching a movie—we were (gasp) hanging out.

That same night, however, he decided to grow some cajones and ask me on a date for Friday. We went to a restaurant that was clearly intended to make an impression. There was no question: He. Was. Into. Me.

If The Mighty Zack Oates who is a top-notch guy and pro dater has accidentally helped you to rationalize your Hanging Out Habits, first consider this three-pronged (pitchfork) presentation of what I call “The Hang-ups of Hanging Out:

1) If you are hanging out, word is getting around. Girls talk. You know this, so you might think it will keep your options open if you take it slow and hang out first. Here’s the thing, women will talk ANYWAYS. Look at these two scenarios:

Jill, the Woman You Might Want to Date, chats with Sally, the Woman Who is Totally Out of Your League. Jill says, “He took me out to dinner and was such a gentleman!” Sally thinks to herself, “WOW. That’s the kind of stand-up guy I want to be dating!” (Next time you see Sally, the twinkle in her eye tells you she’s hot for you).

– OR –

Jill tells Jan, The Girl You MIGHT Consider Dating if Jill Turns Out to Be Boring, “We’ve been hanging out, but I can’t tell if he’s into me. He doesn’t show much interest in dating.” Jan thinks to herself, “This guy sounds spineless. Note to self: avoid hangouts with {Your Name Here}.”

So remember: although they say talk is cheap, if you’re hanging out, that talk could be cheapening YOU.

2) If you are hanging out, it’s dulling your sparkle. A man’s attention matters. But if a woman sees you put your hand on the small of multiple women’s backs, or if she hears you call any other woman “sweetie,” even in passing, Armour=tarnished. It will never be special when you do those things to her. A man’s SPECIAL attention matters. When in doubt, single her out.

3) If you are hanging out, you’re being robbed of your manhood. Be upfront about what you want and stick to the Triple P approach. It lets her know that you are smart (Planned), capable (Paid for), and specifically interested (Paired off). It’s up to you how smart, capable, and interested you want to come across, but I guarantee The Woman You Want to Date will accept nothing less. For Mormon YSA, there is a staggering amount of group hangouts built-in to everyday life. That is to say, there is plenty of opportunity to get to know a girl beyond her bod, without expending additional resources aside from your sharp intellect and charisma. This could be your ward activity or an engaging conversation in line at Café Rio. Maximize this built-in group hang out time to peak efficiency by employing these moments as a platform to get dates.

Don’t imagine that you’re getting away with anything if you’re hanging out. You certainly won’t be getting away with The Woman You Want to Date. Because The Woman You Want to Date is fed up with spineless jellyfish, tarnished amour, and scrubs.

Making a Case for Hanging Out

by ZackSeptember 14, 2014September 16, 2014Dates / Single11 Comments

That’s right, I’d like to make a case for hanging out.

Now before you gather the pitchforks, light a young woman torch and come to the ‘that’ part of Provo you know you’ll find me…hear me out.

I’m not saying don’t date.

I’m just saying that ‘hanging out’ has unjustly become a curse word(…or phrase).

Yes, Elder Tingey spoke of “the indecision some college graduates have in…accepting the responsibilities of marriage and family.”

Yes President Monson spoke of those having “a little too much fun being single, taking extravagant vacations, buying expensive cars and toys, and just generally enjoying the carefree life with [their] friends.”

Yes, Elder Oaks spoke to older single men (me, particularly), “grow up. Gather your courage and look for someone to pair off with. Start with a variety of dates with a variety of young women, and when that phase yields a good prospect, proceed to courtship. It’s marriage time.”

So yeah, fellas, we need to buck up and go on dates. I completely agree with all of that.

But we need to go on dates for the right reasons.

You can go on dates just to ‘go on dates.’ I have done that for years and the reason that the relationship clock never struck “marriage time” isn’t for lack of effort. No, perhaps it was because of too much effort.

See, when we date, we are trying to be the best we can be and, quite frankly, we are trying to find the worst in the other person.

Yes, dating is essentially trying to impress while looking for deal breakers.

When we hang out, things are usually calm, ccasualand, quite frankly, a little more realistic. I have never been married, but I imagine that a dinner, movie and making out is not the standard for a typical day for a couple. Those romantic date nights are interspersed through a string of time where the couple is just friends.

Some of the best relationships I have had started with a friendship.

Those friendships were not forged in the fires of flirtation, but rather built on the basis of a casual closeness.

When in hot pursuit, you rarely are being totally you, but rather what you think they want of you.

When hanging out, there are no expectations, so you can just be you and she can just be her.

If you aren’t going on dates, shame on you—but if you aren’t building friendships then shame-er on you. The advice is to get married and you will never do that by only hanging out or only going on one-on-one dates with 15 people at a time.

So don’t fear the dessert parties of hanging out, but be aware to not deny yourself of the hearty dinners of dating. Both, coupled (pun intended) together will create a strong bond that will both be in harmony with the brethren’s council and help you to not try too hard.

Just because it “Works” Doesn’t Make it Right — GUEST POST by @zandersays

by ZackSeptember 4, 2014September 5, 2014Dates / Genders / Guest Post1 Comment

good guy bad boy

One of the best parts of blogging: the comments. Zander Jensen from www.zandersays.com and @zandersays commented regarding the post about “good guys,” “bad boys,” and the woes of women regarding each. Some comments must be shared in special ways. Zander’s is usually one of them.

————-the magic below————–

On why is it sometimes it pays to be a jerk, and why you shouldn’t be one anyway.

*I wrote this as a response to Zack’s Post here* (here is the link to the post)

When it comes to the “Nice Guy”/”Jerk” scenario, it really is so much more complicated than you can summarize in 300 words (I did my best and this is like 500). But hey, I’ll give it a shot. (For the record, a “bad boy” is different than a “jerk”, though not mutually exclusive)

Everyone knows that confidence is attractive, that’s dating 101, and a wide polling of women would suggest that there is a certain sexiness to a guy who knows what and goes after what he wants; conversely it is rather easy to cross over the line and come on too strong. In which case you “knowing what you want” becomes your downfall.

Let me break it down. If you are interested in someone, then when they perform a confident or romantic gesture toward you, it is not only welcome but incredibly attractive. If on the other hand you are not attracted to said person, the gesture at best is considered “sweet”, but more likely to come across as desperate and creepy.

The “Jerk” dynamic is best explained by the fact that the “jerk” doesn’t mind making his interest known in a very obvious way, while at the same time not caring what the outcome is. If he texts a girl and receives no response, he doesn’t mind, he’s probably talking to other girls, he’s moved on before he even noticed she hasn’t texted back. There is no double or even a *cringe* triple text, because frankly he doesn’t care.

I have read, and talked, about this subject ad nauseam. I could go on and on about how people love to go after what they can’t have, or how confidence plus mystery added to the thrill of “the chase” make for a dangerous (but admittedly fun) cocktail. Then there is the tyranny of choice, instant gratification, and a million other concepts.

But I won’t, because honestly it doesn’t matter. Knowing you have cancer is much different than curing it.

My advice for those who consider themselves to be a “nice guy”?

Stop telling yourself that you’re going to finish last, that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard and only self-defeating.

Next, stop complaining (no seriously, stop it) and be confident (fake it if you have to), be persistent (go after what you want), and most importantly be patient. Focus on something besides girls. Hobbies, passions and interests, fill your life so when you text that girl you aren’t sweating bullets waiting for the text back, instead you’re doing you.

And last, don’t date a girl that needs you to ignore her in order for her to be interested in you. Why would you want to date someone like that anyway (be confident remember)?

Girls Go for “Bad Boys” because “Good Guys” are Idiots

by ZackSeptember 1, 2014September 3, 2014Dates / Genders26 Comments

“Girls never give us ‘good guys’ a chance and always end up with those ‘bad boys’…ugh!”

If this is something some half man has said to you, perhaps this is a good opportunity to share it with them…because you love them.

If that is something you have said. For shame.

An attractive Asian dancer friend of mine shed some light on why she doesn’t ever seem to be with the “good guys,” much to her chagrin.

To understand why girls end up with “bad boys” and “good guys” are left confused, we must first understand how attraction with men and women works.

Women love on a spectrum. Men don’t.

Men love on a point.

Meaning that when a woman meets a man, that man can increase or decrease in attractiveness quite significantly based on personality, connection and the phase of the moon.

Men have a hard time really understanding this because they meet a woman and she pretty much stays the same attractiveness level, regardless of other factors.

Now, two of the MAIN factors in a woman finding a man attractive are 1) his confidence and 2) his interest shown in them.

And therein lies the problem of girls often liking the “bad boys.”

See the “good guys” are timid, humble and rarely assume that an attractive girl is interested in little ol’ them. The flirting of the female variety is confused for just being kind.

The “bad boys” are arrogant, pretentious and can’t fathom that an attractive girl isn’t interested in the awesomeness that is them. Even the spurns of an attractive woman are interpreted as unapologetically borderline obsession.

And while slightly annoying, the “bad boys” are, in the end, both persistent and flattering. And if the “bad boys” think so highly of themselves, the women think, maybe, just maybe, there is something there they should like too. Not to mention that confidence usually plays out in a successful career (albeit an affair or two, but that is a couple kids away).

Basically it isn’t that my Asian dancer friend goes after “bad boys,” but rather that “good guys” won’t grow a pair (of eyes to see a great opportunity).

ADVICE THROW DOWN:

Ladies…you will have to ‘put yourselves out’ there if you want a “good guy”–it may be tough, but it sure is better than just ‘putting out’ to the “bad boys.”

“Good guys”…come on man. Just take a leap of faith and realize that in the end, the girl really want you. But wants you as a man, not a puppy.

“Bad boys”…well played. Well played indeed. But don’t worry, when you make your money, put on 50lb and are on your third marriage, you’ll be calling a “good guy” for life advice. You can keep your hot and shallow because the “good guys” will eventually end up with the attractive Asian.

UPDATE: I’ve been getting a lot of questions about the “Asian” thing. No, I’m not racist, making stereotypes or anything like that. This is a theory, on which my friend enlightened me, who happens to be an Asian who is super cute and with whom I go dancing…hance, “attractive Asian dancer friend.” All other misrepresentations I’ll let stand. Semi-serious satire always seems to stir the soup.

The Most Cowardly Way to Break Up: SABOTAGE

by ZackAugust 25, 2014Break ups / Dates2 Comments

I was in my second week of dating this wonderful girl who had things together, but for some reason, I wanted to break up. I guess I wasn’t ‘feeling it,’ whatever that means.

The was one small problem: I was chicken liver sissy pants scared.

So I did the only self-respecting thing there was to do, something that you all have done, something that plagues our generation like selfie-itis–I sabotaged.

I convinced her I hated Christmas…her favorite thing in the world.

I told her I hated Christmas music, trees, cinnamon smell, fires, movies, santa…everything.

She, realizing this could very well be a sign that I was a complete moron, dumped me.

A sigh of relief washed over me.

See, this way, I can get sympathy for being dumped, not make her feel bad for getting dumped AND still be single!

A disgustingly sourly(?) sickening success.

But on the way home I suddenly had a realization (be it from God or common sense, I’m not sure): Zack, you are going to be single for the rest of your life, you twit.

Why did I just do that? I thought. Oh man…this was a huge mistake!!!

I explained to her that I actually loved Christmas. Everything about it. Well, okay, I don’t like setting up the tree, but besides that, EVERYthing. I confessed that I had just gotten scared that things were getting more serious and I wanted her to break up with me. But now I realize that I do like her and I don’t have to be scared and that there was no need to break up! We could stay together!

She, realizing this was a sign that I was a complete moron…reaffirmed her dumping me.

#foreveralone (#fornow)

Lesson Learned: Don’t be a coward. Own up to your fears. Own up to your feelings. It is okay to be scared, but talk about it with the person you are dating, don’t run. Just because you get cold feet doesn’t mean you should amputate them. Relationship sabotage only is stabbing your own back.

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Bowl of Oates

Author: Zack