My 20 Blanking Minute Relationship (Parental Supervision Recommended)

by | Love. Marriage. Single | 4 comments

pg 13 rating

(I’m not sure who would read this who needs parental supervision…but I’m going to talk about [blank], so consider yourself warned.)

Waiting for Sex

I was a senior in high school taking an acting class with one of my crushes.

She was smart funny and turns out, had a crush on me as well.

 

So after hanging out with her at a couple of parties, I did what any suave confident 17-year old king of the school would do in 2003…I chickened out in asking for her number, looked her up in the paper directory, waited until my evening minutes kicked in on my brand new flip phone, called, hung up when she answered and then called right back blaming her for hanging up.

 

Classic.

 

After a few minutes, I confessed my like for her and told her that I thought we should start to date…like officially.

 

…she agreed!

 

I had a girlfriend.

 

Life was complete.

 

20 minutes later…I was single again.

 

Here’s how it went down:

 

Her: So now that we’re boyfriend/girlfriend…like, what are we allowed to do? You know, since you’re Mormon and all?

[Side note: I was the only Mormon in my school…ever. I also was the only Mormon that most of my friends had ever even heard of.]

 

Me: What do you mean?

Her: Like, you can kiss and stuff right?

Me: Yeah [giggle—cough—manly laugh] of course!

Her: What else can you do?

Me: Else?

Her: Yeah, like can you [blank]?

Me: Uh….no.

Her: Can you [blank]?

Me: I don’t think so. [I wasn’t really sure what that second “blank” was, but assumed it was similar enough to the first to get the gist.]

Her: I mean you can at least [blank]…right?

Me: That is a definite no.

Her: [sigh of frustration] Well look Zack…this just isn’t going to work.

Me: Wait…seriously? Why?

Her: I just will never know that you truly love me. It’s too old fashioned.

 

And just like that, my 20-minute relationship was over.

 

It is a “relationship” that I have thought about over and over again. Her last words have been etched into my mind as a view of physicality the world holds to be sadly self-evident.

 

While I wasn’t sure what love was, exactly, and I’m just barely starting to learn what it is now… I am pretty sure what it is not.

 

And it is not blanking, blanking and certainly not blanking.

 

Love, indeed, is when you are willing to wait until you can have that blank space in your heart filled forever—not with the dissolvable glue of selfish satisfaction, but the cement of celestial charity.

 

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you can be fulfilled with anything other than true love. Everything else will leave you feeling…blank.

 

And know that there are those reading who might have had things happen in their past from their own or another’s agency that might make them feel uncomfortable reading this—to you I say: the Atonement leaves no trace.

 

None.

 

But I’m so grateful for the shortest and most frivolous relationship ever, which has helped me better prepare for my marriage—the longest and most meaningful relationship ever.

Seven Perfect Days: A Life-Changing Challenge

by | inspiration | no comments

Canyon on the edge

 

“Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect” (Matt 5:48) was the injunction of the Savior.

 

Not like ‘sort of perfect’ or ‘just about perfect’….but an unqualified “perfect.”

 

I, like you, have at times stood at the edge of my true reflection and been disheartened by the craterous chasm between me and perfection.

 

But in studying how the Savior grew from “grace to grace” (Doctrine and Covenants 93:13), I began to realize that while perfection is the eventual goal, it isn’t an immediate destination.

 

As my father always reminds me, it isn’t where you are on the path, but which direction your toes are pointed.

 

It isn’t about me jumping across the canyon of my imperfections today, but about consistently working on the bridge.

 

So a few years ago, I started a different kind of goal. Instead of trying to be perfect, I decided I would try to be perfect at something…and not forever—but just for 7 days.

 

Each Sunday I’ll try to pick something to do perfectly for 7 days.

 

Seven Perfect Days.

 

Try it.

 

Try studying your scriptures for real every day for 7 days.

Try not cursing at all for 7 days.

Try not looking pornography for 7 days.

Try being completely kind for 7 days.

Try not yelling for 7 days.

Try praying every morning for 7 days.

Try working out every day for 7 days (#KeylePetittAdvice).

 

Not everything at once.

Not forever.

 

One thing.

For 7 days.

Perfectly.

 

And as I have done this, I realized how much joy it brought me to keep that one thing on the forefront of my mind until it was engrained on my heart and became a habit.

 

Many times I’ve gone back to a previous Seven Perfect Days goal and other times I’ve worked on the one goal for 5, 6, or 7 weeks.

 

And even if I wasn’t totally perfect after 7 times trying Seven Perfect Days, at least I was trying.

 

Because in the end, we must take a step back and ask ourselves: what does it mean to be “perfect?”

 

Brigham Young shed some light on this when he said, “We can alter the phraseology of the sentence, and say, ‘Be ye as perfect as ye can,’ for that is all we can do, though it is written, be ye perfect as your Father who is in heaven is perfect. To be as perfect as we possibly can, according to our knowledge, is to be just as perfect as our Father in heaven is. He cannot be any more perfect than He knows how, any more than we. When we are doing as well as we know how in the sphere and station which we occupy here, we are justified in the justice, righteousness, mercy, and judgment that go before the Lord of heaven and earth” (Journal of Discourses 2:129-130)

 

And in the end, no matter how far away we are from the other side of that canyon, if we are willing to try and to build, the Atonement will take us all the way across. But we must take that first step.

 

So try it this week.

 

Pick something to show God that you are being perfect—or at least as perfect as you now how.

 

Start now.

 

It took God 7 days to create a perfect world. Take the next 7 to create a more perfect version of yours.

 

 

Fear Not; Great Things Await You

by | Dates. inspiration. Marriage. Single | no comments

keep holding on

It was 2008 and I was really like this girl.

 

It was our third date and I thought it went well…so I decided to ask her out for another.

 

She turned to me, looked away and then down at her feet.

 

I assumed she was racking her mind as to how to cancel her other dates so she could spend more time with me.

 

I assumed wrong.

 

“Zack…” she started with a slight stutter, “you’re like a wet keg of gunpowder. Everything is there, but there is just no spark.”

 

I can’t say that I was devastated, but certainly discouraged. I mean, I only found a girl I even liked once or twice a year–and this was one of them.

 

After an awkward last doorstep scene, I got into my car and started to pray.

 

I prayed to find out why I was still single, how much longer I would be single, why dating was so hard and why things just never seemed to work out for me.

 

In that moment I felt a prompting that was so strong, it was almost like a voice. “Zack, it will all work out. Don’t worry. Your wife will be worth it.”

 

I knew my patriarchal blessing told me I’d get married, I knew people always said I would get married, I knew that God wanted me to get married…but in that moment in that car, by myself—it was just me and God. That prayer filled me with a peace that kept me going…for another 8 years.

 

Now don’t feel too bad for me. Dating wasn’t painful.

 

Oh sure, dating was fun. But make no mistake about it—fun and loneliness are no strangers to each other.

 

At times the thin threads of loneliness are so delicately interwoven with the fabric of fun that they are almost an indistinguishable veil separating reality from our emotions.

 

But keeping that perspective that “the eternal purposes of the Lord shall roll on, until all his promises shall be fulfilled (Mormon 8:22) and that “great things await you” (Doc&Cov 45:62) helped keep me going.

 

And when things got hard and loneliness started to take the center stage of my mind, I remembered the words of God, “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee” (Isaiah 41:10).

 

And so to you, if you are wondering what your future holds, just hold on. It will all work out. Don’t worry. Your life will be worth it.

 

 

The REAL Reason You Fear Commitment

by | Marriage. Relationship and Marriage Advice | no comments

vain woman

I’ve heard many reasons of why people are afraid of commitment and, to be honest, I’ve given even more.

 

But a commitment-phobia isn’t just founded on the fear of being hurt by someone or even the fear of hurting someone–it is founded on the fear of self reflection.

 

You see, the more you commit to someone, the more you open up to them, the less your walls are put up, and hence, the more “you” you become around them.  

 

And all this amount to one scary fact: This means coming face to face with the person you’ve been trying to avoid.

 

The person who, when you saw them strutting over during an argument, you leave.

The person who, when you saw them steaming onto the court during basketball, you take a water break.

The person who, when you saw them gossiping about a friend during a text conversation, you put down your phone.

 

That person is the real, honest, genuine you.

 

Not the “you” you wish you were or think you can become or hope others perceive you as…but you just as you are.

 

Not that you aren’t great, but there are part of us we all want to…hide. The selfishness, the anger, the pride–the natural man.

 

But in a marriage there is nowhere to leave, take a break or put things down.

 

In our proverbial house of “self,” there is an orderly and tidy living room, a robust and glitzy entertainment room and (for me) a decedent and plethoric dining room (I like to imagine it being a Golden Corral on Friday night–seafood night (and yes, I DID google “plethora adjective” just fyi)). But with butterflying from person to person to never get too close, only happy posts on social media to never get too deep and mumbled whispers of anger to never seem too honest–it can be pretty easy to avoid the biggest room in our house: the room for improvement.

 

But not in marriage.

 

It has been said that marriage is the great magnifier.

 

There are no locked bedroom doors, no high junk drawers, and no selective household tours.

 

There is no vain mirror to cry fables of you being the fairest, for when you enter true commitment, you become introduced to the raw you, completely naked in honesty.

 

But it’s supposed to be this way.

 

“If men come unto me, I will show unto them their weakness” (Ether 12:27).

 

You cannot go back to God unless you are totally clean. Not mostly, or just about, or all the way except for that one thing that you don’t even admit to yourself–totally clean.

 

The only way you can get clean is to see what is dirty.

 

As you make the commitments to bring yourself close to God, you come closer to the Light of Christ which will illuminate every crevasse of your soul to enable you to see what it is that needs to be cleaned.

 

So fear not your greatest fear–for if you keep moving forward, keep cleaning and keep growing into commitment (to your friends, your family and your God), you eventually will have the light of Christ shine in your countenance and you will see Him as He is, for you will be like him (Moroni 7:48).

 

 

“Am I UnLoveable?”

by | inspiration. Love | 1 comment

Ship sunset

 

“Zack, I only have one question: What is wrong with you?”

 

It was a few years ago on a warm summer evening. I was out with some family friends at a backyard bbq and had been chatting with a nice middle-aged woman I had just met about…life.

 

She was recently single; I was perpetually single.

 

Same ocean; different boats.

 

She felt like Robison Crusoe getting ready to shipwreck on the Island of Despair; I felt like an under-paid over-worked Carnival bus boy.carnival fun date

 

She was wondering if she could be loved again; I was wondering if I was loveable.

 

She was missing; I was longing.

 

But we were both swimming in our own ocean loneliness.

 

Her in her singleness; me in my many-ness.

 

After getting to know each other a little, she asked me that question that so many had thoughtlessly asked before and one that she perhaps was asking herself, “What is wrong with you?”

 

Granted, implied in that question was a pseudo-complement of her feeling like there must be something terribly amiss in my life that I have yet to reveal if I am still single—but it’s hard to take a compliment in a question dripping with the assumed accusation that there is something terribly amiss in my life that I have yet to reveal.

 

I went through the “Lord is it I?” and “What lack I yet?” questions in my heart and felt that while I didn’t always follow true north in every aspect of my life, the Lord was pleased with my direction. So I felt like I was doing okay; but my mind couldn’t stay calm.

 

She wasn’t the first one to ask me this; in fact, it had become a recurring conversation (something many 25+ singles may also notice).

 

And, like the waves after an oil spill, the question kept crashing into my conscience over and over and over again beginning to soil the sand of my mind.

 

ship wreckIs there something terribly wrong with me? Am I just not loveable?

 

But those doubts had to be submerged for a pithy backyard bbq conversation. A flirty chuckle and awkward pause always got me out of diving into the uncharted territory of true feelings. After all, I had become an expert at faking things surface level when they too sunk deep.

 

But I wish I could have been in the car with myself that evening as I was driving home alone, floundering in my own self-doubts weighted down by the constant questions of others.

 

For now that the single “ship is anchor’d safe and sound” I can say that the journey does not have to end with a mournful tread or a captain dead. (“O Captain, My Captain”) http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/174742. And while the destination may be different for everyone, I am confident that we each have a charted path by the Great Mariner.

 

It is unwise to question someone else’s path because it is taking them longer to get to land than others.

 

And while we might have the echoes of “what is wrong with you” in the rusted hulls of our minds, we, like Kristen Oaks, can begin “to reflect a different question, ‘What more can I do that is right?’” (“Trust in Heaven’s Timing”) https://www.lds.org/ensign/2016/02/trust-in-heavens-timing?cid=HP_FR_2-12-2016_dPFD_fENSN_xLIDyL2-1_&lang=eng And there is much “right” that we need to do.

 

Indeed we are loved by a God whose love spans heights and depths (Romans 8:39). I have proof of that every time I reach out to Him and ask. Yes, I, from time to time, will ask God if He loves me.

 

Try it.

 

Pray, ask and then…wait…

 

Wait until you feel a response.

 

That love will help remind you that if you are trying to head in the right direction, the lights along the shore will lead you to the right destination.

 

And while I won’t give you the whole, ‘there are plenty of fish in the sea’ thing, I will tell you this: You are loveable.

 

Whether you know it now or not; whether you have recently lost a love or never found it; whether you are in solitude or are drowning in social events—you deserve love.

 

So let not the doubts weigh you down, but let hope buoy you up with the knowledge that “great things await you.” (Doc&Cov 45:62)

 

 

My 30th Life Lesson

by | inspiration. Love | no comments

Life Lessons

Every year at my birthday, I like to reflect back at what the last 365 days taught me.

 

This last year was a big one.

 

It brought me to 15 countries across 5 continents and all over the USA—from LA to NYC, Chicago to Dallas and the “Nebraska” stuff in the middle.

 

But it wasn’t just a journey of destinations; it was a journey of experiences.

 

I finished my MBA, met a girl, cut ties with my single life, moved to a new state, started my first “real” JOB (as my mother puts it), won some money, rang the NASDAQ, signed a book contract…oh yeah, and got married.

 

Now, I give you that accounting for the simple purpose of expressing the importance of the biggest lesson that I learned, for there were many along the way.

 

But while journeying, I was struck by how beautiful our little world really is. This pale blue dot we call earth is our home. We all live here together and hence, we should all love here together.

And that brings me to what the last 365 days has taught me:

 

Love is a choice.

 

Yes, much like gratitude and happiness…love, indeed, is a choice.

 

We choose to keep ourselves open to the possibility of love.

We choose to give someone the chance to be loved by us.

We choose to allow another to love us.

 

And yes, we even choose to stay in love.

 

Now we might not always choose with whom we fall in love, but we definitely can choose to NOT fall in love with someone.

 

Regardless of how different or how similar people are from what we would expect and regardless of how disjointed or perfectly planned our circumstance—love is always our choice to make.

 

 

29 Life Lessons – 30th Tomorrow

by | inspiration | no comments

old man wisdom

Every year, on my birthday I contemplate on the life lessons from the previous 365 days. I have learned some amazing lessons this last and I am going to share my 30th one tomorrow. But now, I’ll give you my previous 29.

While this might not be amazingly insightful or new to you or old man on a park bench wise, these lessons have shaped everything that I am and everything I try to be.

….and I can’t wait to learn more!

Please share your big life lessons in the comments.

  1. Follow the Spirit.
  2. Go to bed every night knowing God a little better than the night before.
  3. Never finish a prayer until you feel God’s love.
  4. Study the scriptures to teach something daily.
  5. Confidence is based on who you really are–nothing else.
  6. Leadership is an organized opportunity to help the world and you grow.
  7. Distill every institution, activity and program down to love.
  8. One soul is a good enough reason.
  9. If you don’t think you can change the world, then change someone’s world. Don’t underestimate the power of one–namely, you.
  10. Keep your priorities focused on the eternal.
  11. Serve until you love.
  12. If you have to wonder if they can feel your love, express it.
  13. Godly sorrow is knowing that Christ suffered because of you and not just for you.
  14. There is ALWAYS a reason to rejoice.
  15. Do what you say you will do, when you say you will do it…and try to do a little more.
  16. If you feel stressed, stop. Think. What can you do to fix the problem? If there is nothing you can do, then pray. If there is something you can do, then do it. If you ever forget this rule, just go under the stars for 5 minutes.
  17. Expectations for other should be to try; expectations for yourself should be perfect love.
  18. Women bear children, men open doors.
  19. Do what the best version of you would do.
  20. There is a way to do things, and there is the way to get things done.
  21. The proverbial “self” is not found or discovered–it is created.
  22. Dream big and live smart, but don’t let others’ invented limitations dictate what constitutes “smart.”
  23. Live life sincerely.
  24. Keep your heart open to real love, for love liberates hope.
  25. Seek business partners who display three attributes consistently: innovation, communication and dependability-ation.
  26. Work smart, work hard and know that, in the end, success is given to you.
  27. You are what’s worth it. And while you have a ways to go, you are doing better than you think. In a life filled with dreams broken by ‘just about’s and ‘almost’s and ‘sort of’s and ‘would have been’s…know that you, yes…even you–especially you, are worth being loved.
  28. If you want to see the hand of God, Look. If you want to hear the voice of God, listen. If you want to feel the love of God, serve.
  29. Elevate your faith above your circumstances.
  30. …coming tomorrow!

PSA on VULNERABILITY: Guys Don’t Believe the Hype #GuestPost by Scott Jarvie

by | Guest Post. Love | no comments

For those of you who don’t know Scott Jarvie, you are welcome in advance. He is one of my closest friends and I loved this guest post. Know you will too.

Scott Jarvie

In recent years the concept of Vulnerability has become very hip and trendy topic and girls will often make you listen things like Brene Brown TED talks on vulnerability.

 

Guys let me warn you before you fall into the vulnerability trap. This will not help you find a relationship.

 

What they fail to mention is this sort of stuff is for later in a relationship. Girls are still girls they will go after more stoic figures, ones that show less emotion, complicated types, so don’t be vulnerable, instead be mysterious, stay on the surface for a more extended period of time, say things that sound and pretend at vulnerable or caring, just enough to get them hooked etc.

 

I’m warning the rest of you… my cause is too late… this is for YOU.

 

I have been way too vulnerable and non mysterious with way too many people and let’s face it I’ve been an open book for years and heck that book is online and public,. And may I add…Way before any TEDx talk told me to be. Being vulnerable early on will get you a lot of friends who’ll be cheerleaders, but they’re like the cheerleaders cheering for the “special team”… oh that’s right… they don’t actually play in your league. They just come to visit and go back to their own life when they’re done feeling good about themselves.

 

Don’t be emotionally centric and non-mysterious.  I get it… we’re a Christmas present culture. We love wrapping presents in nice pretty paper with great bows. We love not knowing what’s inside and we get invested in the mystery. Onions have layers and girls want to pretend that at the heart of that onion they have no clue what they’ll find… will it be a rose? Will it be a unicorn pooping diamonds. Will it be the next perfect human?

 

Sure I personally believe in the concept of showing emotions and being vulnerable wholeheartedly, I guess I needed this PSScott JarvieA 10 years ago. As for myself it’s what I want to be but let me assure you Others …it does not help you find love or enter a relationship or even get dates. Perhaps it helps nourish love… but it’ll kill your chances if you use it at first. After all how you gonna improve a relationship you never get in the first place. (it’s science) Go play your game… I’ll come up from the minor or little leagues to come watch you guys compete and cheer you on… and oh yeah I’m a wedding photographer so this is good for business. jarviedigital.com for your next wedding photoshoot needs mention the post and get 5% off. [Zack’s note: seriously, this guy’s photos are unreal…wish I had the 5% offer for my wedding!]

 

 

Be a nicely wrapped present under the tree that they get obnoxiously early in the Christmas season and have to wait. Heck why try to figure yourself out now or embrace emotions too closely too early. iT’S A TRAP! They may want to do that stuff after they’ve fallen in love with you… fine whatever… it’s about the journey wait for them to join you and get super invested… but don’t work on that stuff now. Silly you.

 

You can’t simply make a lifetime of cultural impact which was thrust upon their pysche just go away just by wishing it to not be so. We are raised and taught in large part by our culture… by the examples and teachings of our society. So even if they recognize the legitimacy of certain emotionally laden truths it doesn’t mean those truths will trigger the right buttons or lead to the right ends. The ends may not justify the means, but usually the means predict the ends.

 

Scott JarvieI guarantee you that being more closed, more mysterious, more of a calculated risk and making them take a step of faith into the dark is what will help you out more. Get off the ship of vulnerability it’s sinking… be vulnerable when it’s just the two of you on the lifeboat together and she’s like… “It’s too cold to swim and there are sharks” “And then almost as if a revelation about the realitity of it all she finally says “tell me about yourself, like the you behind those layers .” Keep in mind it’s like your 10th date or even the honeymoon. And she’s like oh crap I may be with this person for the rest of my life I should figure out what is at the core of this onion I’ve been kissing.

 

You know I’m right… and the honest girls will admit it. They can talk about emotions and vulnerability and connecting all they want. And you know the suave guys are like… “duh Jarvie you’re just now figuring this out.” And i’m like: “… ummm… I knew it was mostly the case (like a great majority) i was just thinking that perhaps there were exceptions to the rule and that I was cool enough to make it in under that exemption clause” Well I figured it out for you all… God is probably like “so what you’re a player for a moment in time, I died for your imperfections and now all of a sudden you’re worried about being real good at being vulnerable…I knew you’d be pressured into being a emotionally manipulative tool by society. How else you gonna find someone? You shoulda took to the free pass like everyone else.” And you’re like wellp… missed that memo. But you didn’t because you read this message.

 

But…

Ok fine…

“bro” you were right I, Scott Jarvie, should have listened. But now I’m out of step with culture so it’s too late for old dogs and silly fake tricks You are not the exception. They hate the game and yet a lifetime of living in a culture has programmed them this way. And sure when you do find love… go ahead and listen to a brene brown talk or something like that. It’s quite nice. For some reason it feels so right to put out everything openly and without a care hoping that the person will be like… “hey wait you have flaws too… I had no idea and I like you even more.” Haha oh the things fairy tales are made of. You can tell your kids about it when you are older. Culutres change maybe it’ll be the thing then… but this is your culture son… don’t screw it up. Take a lesson from me. Beat the d-bags at their own game and just try not to be one (too much.

Grow, Don’t Just Go

by | inspiration. LDS Living | no comments

Climbing the tree

A man was hiking through the forest when he saw something half-way up a tree.

 

Looking up, he saw another man climbing.

 

“What are you doing up there?” the grounded man inquired.

 

“Trying to get to the moon,” came the matter-of-fact response.

 

Baffled, the hiker furrowed his eyebrows before informing the climber that he was never going to get to the moon up there.

 

The climber snickered at this lowly man’s apparent ignorance. “What do you know? I’m higher than you and still have higher to climb!”

 

Many of us are just like the man in the tree. We think that moving is getting us somewhere.

 

Our lofty goals and ambitions cause us to start racing through life, or climbing a tree, never giving thought to whether or not we are actually going towards a finish line. As Stephen Covey put it, “if the ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step we take just gets us to the wrong place faster.”

 

So often in life, we make a goal to get married, but we go on tons of dates instead of really getting to know someone.

 

We want to have a successful marriage, but when we go to dinner with our spouse, we are on our phones the whole time.

 

We desire to do more with our lives, but we read self-help books as procrastination for actually helping ourselves!

 

It can be agonizing to give our lives an honest look, only to see that our current course is not going to get us where we truly desire. But at times, going backward is what will ultimately propel us forward.

 

The most successful people I’ve observed do two things very well: they work hard and they work smart. If one of those is missing, then you will also miss your end goal.

 

 

To read the 5 steps to grow and not just go and read the conclusion of this article, to go LDSLiving.org!

What I Thought I Would Feel on My Wedding Day but Didn’t

by | Dates. inspiration. Marriage. Relationship and Marriage Advice | 3 comments

 

scary dating

So…I’m married.

 

The scene that was the wedding day seemed to play out in a directed concoction of met and exceeded expectations.

 

The drive to the temple excitement, reception stress, hair problems, sheer happiness, craziness of actually getting married, tears of joy, laughter of a final dance, a humorously awkward drive to the hotel—they all appeared right on queue center stage during a perfect wedding day.

 

But there was one actor that did not play a part.

 

Not only was I surprised—but shocked.

 

I had him cast as a lead.

 

The villain’s name?

 

 

Fear.

 

 

It was an omission, which left a (former) singular audience of one giving a standing ovation.

 

But I was not alone in my pleasantly unmet expectation.

 

Who else was flabbergasted?

 

Oh, let’s say just about everyone who knows me.

 

See, the week after I got engaged my father called me for a chat.

“Son, you are going to have doubts and be afraid sometime between now and the wedding. You may want to run Just get through it. It will pass. You found yourself someone really special and everything will be okay.”

 

So I hunkered down in my seat and waited, with a fixed determination to outwit the frightened scoundrel.

 

And waited…

 

…and waited.

 

I knew it would come eventually. After all, my entire life I was accused of being someone who had a fear of commitment.

 

The inevitability of the fear from jumping into the biggest eternal commitment of my entire life (and eternity), was getting closer and closer.

 

It is simply a matter of time, I doubtlessly thought.

 

…but it never did.

 

It was as if I showed up to the battlefield ready for war and was met by a middle school theater class fieldtrip who offered to share their lunches with me.

 

Even moments before the ceremony, my trepidation for a surprise entrance was evident.

 

On the drive to the temple with Annie, I turned to her and asked, ‘How do you feel?’

‘Great!’

‘Me too…? Aren’t we supposed to feel—scared or something?’

‘Not when it’s right, I guess.’

 

Ah, and there it is.

 

Turns out, I wasn’t afraid of committing, but just committing to the wrong person.

 

A wedding day is the intermission of the eternal play that is our existence. It gives us a moment to just be completely present in between everything that has taken place from our pre-earth life, birth and life and everything that will take place from our death to forever after.

 

This is not to say that I wasn’t afraid of commitment at other times in my life or that cold feet is a foreboding omen, for everyone goes through their own wedding scene, but rather that sometimes,
“it” can be easy.

 

Yes, while I expect staying in love will be work, falling in love was easy. Some might even call it play.

 

So don’t fear if you feel fear—it might not be you, it might just be that you haven’t found them. (And a simple way to tell if it is you…pray to fall in love and see if you mean it.)